Optimism, Realism

Do you ever think about dying?

It’s a topic no one willingly likes to discuss, but yet it’s the end and the beginning to our life. This week I’ve been thinking about it more and more.

I don’t know why.

But, it’s on my mind often, and that scares me a little.

²⁵ Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; ²⁶ and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

John 11:25-26

Today, I was chatting with an old high school friend over text, and I asked about her dad. Her mom passed away two years ago, and I told her I hate to think our parents are at that age.

She said, “…it’s so hard to think about. We spend our whole childhood wishing time away and then wake up one day and wonder where it went.”

My grandmother lived until her late 90s. My Pawpaw until his mid 90s and my Granny until 90. That’s some longevity in my family, but there have been others who died young.

I wondered what is really “that age.”

Yesterday, on the way home from the Cancer Center, hubby and I had a consequential discussion. Normally, when I ask him to talk about his feelings he says, “What are feelings?” It’s his wittiness, but he doesn’t talk about feelings much unless I am upset, he’s talking about cancer or our family.

We discuss death. And, like I explored with him yesterday and my friend today, there is no such thing as “that age.” That age can be 5, 25, 55 or 95.

As hubby told me, he will die when it’s his time, when the good Lord decides, and there is no worry in that.

God takes us when He is ready to take us. Yes, there are miracles, but perhaps God only grants those once in a while and saves them for special circumstances?

I realized on our drive home, hubby believes in miracles, he just doesn’t believe there’s one for him.

Society looks at dying in regards to life expectancy, but that’s not how dying happens. We expect to live until 80. We are blessed to live into our 90s. And, if we die before “our time” we say it’s too soon.

No one wants to see a mother lose a child. A wife lose her husband. A child lose his parent.

We have no say in who gets cancer, has a fatal accident or loses someone they love. We all have an expiration date, and sadly, not all of them are as lengthy as others.

We are not born with a guarantee on life, or how long we will walk on Earth.

Rarely, do I have this conversation with others; however, hubby and I have these disconcerting talks often. These circumstance are not necessarily planned for, but in this situation they are inevitable. I don’t always understand how he is so at peace, but he is and for that I am grateful. For myself, there is still a lack of acceptance, a disquiet about my children where my heart is impaired.

I know it is hard for my friends and family to understand. As my daughter alluded to, there are times we sense something is coming and catch ourselves just waiting for the other shoe to drop. We take aim at positivity, but in the back of our mind we are searching for level headedness.

Being a realist and being optimistic are not always the same nor do the two invariably go together. I think it is hard for someone trying to encourage us to stay positive to comprehend how we walk a fine line within the two. I understand, my husband understands, my children understand, but to others they don’t always understand.

It is difficult for everyone to decipher the thought process and the task of protecting the heart. It’s hard to be positive, pray for a miracle and accept the facts, the odds, and the reality of a situation. Somewhere in that mix we have to find a happy medium where our heart can safely flourish. A place we can live comfortably, a place we can accept whatever is handed to us and be able to survive the outcome.

Maybe some of you don’t view this as a sense of positivity, but at some point we find ourselves seeking a survival mode. Just maybe, we weigh on the cautious side. We have to live in a sector where we can manuever our path, even in heart-rending times.

That means preparing for the worst, while hoping and praying for the best.

All we need from everyone else is to pray for us. xo

¹⁷ After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.¹⁸ Therefore encourage one another with these words.”

 1 Thessalonians 4:17-18