Do you ever feel like you’re going in a million directions?
People used to say they didn’t know how I managed four young children. HA! I find that humorous nowadays.
Four teenaged/almost adult kids, now, that’s a challenge.
Unlike toddlers, their minds are developed. They’ve been exposed to the outside world. They have opinions and real attitudes. They eat more. They are young adults. They still need their mom, but they won’t always admit it.
And, we thought a toddler tantrum had convictions. (Insert laughing/crying emoji.)
Honestly, I love having them all home for the summer. I know those days are far and few between.
Some days I feel like I CANNOT get anything accomplished. My routine is out the window. Earlier this week, I spent the better part of the day helping everyone else. I cooked breakfast, I cleaned, I helped with some summer homework, I cooked dinner, and did a multitude of other things, mostly for everyone else. That pretty much took up the rest of the day according to my vague memory .
My weeks have been busy, but like today I cannot figure out what they have been consumed with. Many of my waking hours I feel like I am going through the motions.
And, not consistently in the most productive way.
I think I need a job, but honestly I wonder if it really is what I need. It’s not like I’ve been lying around on the couch all day eating bonbons or sunning on the beach.
I haven’t had an alone minute in I don’t know when.
And, I’m behind.
But, I’ve found myself fumbling to figure out what it is that needs to be done, first.
I realized a long time ago I thrive in chaos. That’s the reason I consistently volunteered for more than I should have, never learned how to say NO, and most likely why I had four children.
I like to be busy. Too busy!
But, CANCER has taught me a thing or two about all that.
When hubby got sick two years ago all my volunteering halted. I stopped all of it, immediately.
Part of me still wanted to do it, but most of me didn’t.
I wanted to do it for the kids involved, I wanted to do it to help my friends, but I didn’t want to do it for myself anymore.
For once I just wanted to do what I wanted to do, and was best for me.
If cancer has taught me anything it’s that life is too short. It’s too short to worry about all the petty things. It has taught me you can have everything you think you want and still not be happy. It has taught me who my real friends are, and to tighten my circle.
Cancer has taught me to never lose hope, believe in something, and ALWAYS just trust in the Lord because that’s all I really can do.
Cancer has taught me life is hard, an uphill battle, so get used to it. It has taught me to find JOY in every situation and look for the silver lining. It has taught me FAMILY is EVERYTHING, and we always stick together, no matter what.
Cancer has made me realize what’s important and what and who doesn’t matter at all. It has taught me who I can rely on and who I cannot. It has taught me what other people think, say or do doesn’t really matter to me. It has taught me I don’t need anyone’s approval or opinion. It has taught me some people don’t have a place in my world, and I’m OK with that. I’m sorry!
Cancer has taught me so much, but most importantly, cancer has made me realize how thankful I am for my children. I know the Lord knew what he was doing when He gave me four healthy babies.
I will protect them, fight for them, and support them. Always!
Against anything and anyone!
They may not always be perfect, but I love them.
And, they are mine. xo
“Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’”Proverbs 31:28-29