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A few weeks ago I was surfing Netflix and came across Family Man. I watched the trailer and got distracted when I realized Gerard Butler was starring. I hadn’t seen him in anything lately so I added it to my watch list and moved on.

A week or so later hubby and I were planning to watch a movie so I told him to choose one from my list. I didn’t think much about it, and I definitely couldn’t remember anything about the trailer I had unknowingly tuned out.

I don’t know if this really makes sense, but since hubby has had cancer I find myself doing things and later vaguely remembering doing them. At times, I am so consumed with my thoughts I walk around in an automated fashion, going through the motions and not being certain I have completed any tasks. It’s a strange feeling when I think about it, but I believe it’s called “having too much on your mind.”

I have never been a person who needed to write everything down to remember it, so why would I start now?

The movie started, and I was thinking we were going to watch a sweet, sentimental family movie. The kind where the husband works too much, puts his job before everything, and will have a coming to Jesus realization in the end, and choose family over everything. What I got was a sensation making me feel like someone had punched me in the throat! I immediately wanted to stop the movie and turn on something else. I don’t watch movies like this. I don’t have it in me. 

Cuddled up with my blanket on one corner of the couch I sat and watched a mother seated on her cancer stricken son’s bed, sobbing. A million emotions running through my mind, tears welling in my eyes, thinking I knew exactly how she felt. 

I was pushing back the tears, trying to be strong, trying not to cry. I knew exactly what she was going through. She felt scared, alone, and her world out of control. She was wondering what the future holds, how it feels thinking you are going to lose a loved one, and how scary the unknown is. I knew exactly how she felt. 

As I sat there and watched her losing hope, I realized something. I had no idea how she felt at all. I didn’t feel that hurt she felt. That pain she felt. I didn’t feel that at all. My child isn’t in that hospital bed. I don’t have a cancer stricken child.

Mothers aren’t suppose to watch their children be that sick, or potentially near death. Mothers aren’t suppose to watch their children die. How do you deal with that? I know what helplessness feels like, but I don’t know that. How do you deal with being helpless while looking at your child’s life flash in front of you? A child you gave birth to, who is yours and who you can no longer protect.

I can have everything taken away from me. EVERYTHING! But, I am so lucky to have had the honor to give birth to four children, raise them and be their mother. 

I cannot imagine my life without each of them. Sometimes it’s crazy when the girls are back from college and they are all home. At times it’s blissfully chaotic and other times it’s a struggle. It can be overwhelming and mentally hard, especially with their dad being sick, because I worry about how they are really doing.

Regardless of all of that, I am so blessed. I can think of all the negatives in my life, but the positives are what really matter. They have me, and I have them. There’s a silver lining in there, and I owe that to their dad and the Lord. And, I will be thankful for it for the rest of my life. xo

I know everyone is fighting some sort of battle in their life, big or small. And, no matter what your battles are, whether they involve an illness, relationships, an addiction, an accident, or simply something in your head, they most likely are having an effect on you. 

I had a conversation with a friend not long ago who was struggling with family problems. One day, she went on for a few minutes venting her frustrations and confiding in me her feelings, and then all of a sudden she stopped. She said, “I’m so sorry to go on and on about my family. I know it’s nothing compared to what you are going through.”

It didn’t take me but a second to think about her comment.

In the grand scheme of things she was absolutely correct. My husband having a rare cancer and facing mortality is a much bigger deal than her having a family squabble. That’s my perspective. However, in her world it looks like a mountain in front of her without a solution for getting to the other side, and it has been a battle.

Just because my problems may be more critical than someone else’s doesn’t mean they deserve to feel less than me. In my life right now, cancer, and the mounding stress that comes with it, is the biggest obstacle; in hers it just happens to be something else. It’s not that she has less stress, less importance, less urgency, or less anything….it simply means we all have a right to feel how we feel.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT trying to get caught up in a daily gripe session about the kids not putting their shoes away or cleaning up their dishes, or any of that petty stuff. Sometimes we need to vent about those moments, but get it out, move on and keep it positive. Many times we lose sight of the blessings we have right in front of us.

As a friend, I have an obligation to do my part in a “give and take” relationship. It’s a two way street. If I want to have a good friend, yes, I need to be a good friend in return. And, sometimes that means putting feelings and problems to the side for a moment in order to help someone else deal with theirs. Otherwise, friendships can become unhealthy for potentially both parties. 

It’s OK to have one sided relationships periodically, but it’s not OK to camp out and live there. We are not obligated to assume others’ worries all the time, nor should we expect others to take on ours. We as women, and even human beings, owe it to one another to be supportive; however, we are not expected to carry their weight all the time. We all bring admirable characteristics to our friendships, or at least we should. After all, a friendship involves mutual (involving two parties) trust and support.

I think the biggest misconception people have when someone is going through a life crisis is to assume they can’t be bothered by anything or anyone. Just because we are going through something major in life doesn’t mean we don’t want to lend an ear to a friend in need. I’m not referring to making your problems an encumbrance for someone else, but simply sharing what’s going on in your life or seeking advice.

For me, helping a friend solve a problem, being concerned about others and caring about what’s going on in their corner of the world is not only my duty, but also, a welcome distraction. Stand by your friends, pick them up when they fall, have their back. If you can help someone, then help them!

Wow! It’s a new decade! The 20th year of the 21st century. The year of the metal rat in the Chinese zodiac. A leap year! With all this newness, surrounded by opportunities for a new beginning, I find myself having mixed emotions.

I think it’s human nature to want to be optimistic about a new year, but change is hard. The unknown is even harder. We all hope the turn of the calendar, the next decade, the newness of a day, will bring something, anything, that is considered new or better. Isn’t that how we perceive things? New is better? Think about that, and let it sink in for a minute. 

We have this misconception in life that new is somehow better. But, when we look more closely there’s nothing farther from the truth. New is not always better! 

We sometimes treat old friends and old relationships like an old car. They don’t work as well without a little more tender loving care and maintenance. They take more effort to keep working. So why are we so quick to give up on them? 

In our busy life, in a busy world, sometimes we just need to stop and think about what’s gotten old in our life, and remember what’s worth keeping. Not everything shiny and new should take our attention away from the old and what’s actually right there in front of us. 

Hug your friends today, tell your people you love them, appreciate what you have had with your partner. It doesn’t mean it’s as good as it once was and maybe never will be again, but it has been a part of your life and made you into who you are today. Maybe not new, but hopefully better. Never take any of it for granted. Respect that and act accordingly. Sometimes change isn’t better or worse, it’s just different. It’s growth! It’s life! 

Happy New Year everyone! I’m about to embark on a new journey…I invite you all to come along! xo