Author: gracelovebiscuits

Posted in Devotional

Holy Week

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

Did anyone ever dream we would be in the middle of a pandemic during Holy Week, or ever for that matter?

24 But on the first day of the week, at early dawn, they went to the tomb, taking the spices they had prepared. 2 And they found the stone rolled away from the tomb, 3 but when they went in they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. 4 While they were perplexed about this, behold, two men stood by them in dazzling apparel. 5 And as they were frightened and bowed their faces to the ground, the men said to them, “Why do you seek the living among the dead? 6 He is not here, but has risen. Remember how he told you, while he was still in Galilee, 7 that the Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men and be crucified and on the third day rise.” 8 And they remembered his words, 9 and returning from the tomb they told all these things to the eleven and to all the rest. 10 Now it was Mary Magdalene and Joanna and Mary the mother of James and the other women with them who told these things to the apostles, 11 but these words seemed to them an idle tale, and they did not believe them. 12 But Peter rose and ran to the tomb; stooping and looking in, he saw the linen cloths by themselves; and he went home marveling at what had happened.”

Luke 24:1-12

My dad said he never thought he would see times like this, and I imagine many people thought the same.

I never thought I would be in the midst of my husband battling cancer at my age either. I never thought it would get to this point. I never thought it would get worse. I never thought after he was diagnosed that we would face many more hurdles along the road.

I think many times when life is going down a rough path we tell ourselves, “things can’t get any worse.” When we think we’ve hit rock bottom sometimes we realize we were simply on a cliff, and we fall even lower.

I’ve learned to NEVER say things can’t get any worse. Trust me, they can and most likely will before they get better.

I’ve also learned to find hope, pray harder and seek peace when you’re scared and worried.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

And, I am worried. I was uneasy about life before all these virus concerns came up. I constantly fret about someone being exposed or getting sick. Going out in public.

Even more, I am undoubtedly concerned with the effect it has on everyone’s mental state. I know for me it has been a fight within myself not to fall into a depressed state, panic, feel lonely, or lost.

When all you have is time to think, it can be a war within your mind.

I’ve had a sort of resistance going on for awhile now. Things were just starting to settle down to a new normal in our household. I was cautiously beginning to relax a little, get used to how it was going and then, panic hit.

I have heard many people say they are going crazy staying home, feeling depressed, and having a hard time adjusting to an unfamiliar routine. It’s tough to adapt to a new way of life and not exercise your freedom.

We have had plenty of other unfamiliar adapting to do in our house in recent months. But, I do think it is essential to abide by the rules in order to not overwhelm the system. And, I want it to stop. If we don’t stop giving it something to feed on, I fear it never will.

I can’t help but wonder why all this craziness is happening in the world. Is it a sign of the times, an economic attack, a prediction from the Bible?

3 As he sat on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately, saying, “Tell us, when will these things be, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?” 4 And Jesus answered them, “See that no one leads you astray. 5 For many will come in my name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ and they will lead many astray. 6 And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not alarmed, for this must take place, but the end is not yet. 7 For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and there will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8 All these are but the beginning of the birth pains.

Matthew 24:3-8

No social gatherings, no church services, no lunch with friends, no school, no baseball games, no sleepovers, no restaurant dining, no shopping, and the list of NOs goes on.

It sounds bad, but it could be so much worse. And sadly, for some people it is.

On top of all of what’s obvious, some of us have other obstacles. Some have lost their jobs, gotten laid off, have to spend time away from family members, have no savings to fall back on, live alone, can’t stay home because of their job, are lonely, fighting an illness, have a bad marriage, battling an addicition or who knows what else. Everyone is grappling with something.

EVERYONE.

One thing we still do have is each other, our community, our nation. We can still pray at home, FaceTime family and friends, get takeout and shop online (if we can afford to).

We can all find something in our life to be thankful for no matter how bad it seems.

Holy Week and Easter both offer a time of new hope, new beginnings. Let’s use it to pray for our community and our country.

A time to be thankful for the things in life we have, the people who are important, the family time we share, the people we have fighting for us and working to keep us safe and healthy and all the simple blessings we overlook and take for granted each day.

We are all blessed! xo

Posted in Self Help

Sleepless

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

It’s 2:30 in the morning. That’s my mind’s favorite time to be awake. What’s yours?

I don’t know how others are feeling, but I have an idea many of you are feeling a little uneasy, stressed, uncertain about how the coming weeks are going to play out. Yeah, I feel you.

I have so much on my mind lately I don’t know where to start. I frantically fumble through my thoughts sometimes in the evening, wondering if I have forgotten anything I was supposed to do today. Pay a bill, make an appointment, pick up a prescription. Not to mention the something even more important than all of that.

Seriously, I stop and hold my breath some nights as I file through my mind, wondering what I missed. It’s exhausting some days. And, on those days I walk around until I catch myself, with my shoulders tensed up and my neck in knots.

On these days particularly, I hear my doctor’s voice in my head reminding me I’m ruining my health. Lately, I’ve realized I’m probably ruining someone else’s health because they are worrying about me.

I hate that. I really will be fine.

As if life wasn’t overpowering me already. Why does all hell have to break loose at once?

I keep telling myself I’m going to do meditation tomorrow so I can make myself relax. Tomorrow, I am promising myself. Tomorrow, I will follow through.

It’s hard to stay positive and not let all the negative consume us. And sadly, I’m finding it extremely difficult to do in the midst of a pandemic. It’s all everyone talks about or posts about, and I need a break from it. I am already consumed with the cancer fight. That’s a full plate.

I decided this past weekend I need to step away from social media except for dealing with my blog. It’s the best thing to do for my sanity and well being. This virus talk is making me a little unsettled, especially the rants.

Stop making it political people. No one in our lifetime has another politician to compare to how they did in this situation because we haven’t lived through a pandemic. Sorry, but there’s not an instruction book on it. So STOP making it political, it’s not!

Instead, PRAY and count your blessings. Life could be so much worse.

Posted in Devotional

Fear or Faith?

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life, and the life was the light of men. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

John 1:1-5

I have always been a christian, just at times a better one than others. We have all faltered in our life in one area or another, right?

I will spare everyone my lifetime of church and worshiping; however, in my younger days church and God was a big part of my life. Then later, there was a time I was very angry at God. I was angy at several things, several people. I guess for awhile I didn’t realize how angry.

In the last several years, my life, like many moms, has transformed into something I hadn’t prepared for early on. My children were growing up. I had wanted to go back to work, fulfill my ambitions, and put some accomplishments under my own belt. I found myself wondering why I hadn’t started already. Why I didn’t go back to school and get another degree? I had talked about several avenues, but I hadn’t started down any of the paths.

But, maybe I didn’t because it wasn’t the time. I know that now.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:  a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,  a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,  a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

Ecclesiastes 3:1-5

After my husband was diagnosed with cancer I struggled for awhile. The anger, the uncertainty, my children, our family, my plans. It was all too much to digest and think about.

For a long time it took great effort to get off the couch everyday. My world was just a very unfamiliar, dark and lonely place I didn’t want to be in. I worried about everything, stressed over anything, and was so unsettled about all things. It was overwhelming, affected my health in a number of ways, and made me a mental mess. My heart was broken, suffering for my children, and honestly it still is.

But, if I have realized anything about this pain stricken journey it is one thing…you can never lose hope. When tragedy strikes you have to have something to hold on to.

I have faced an abundance of fear, most often without a say, but I have learned over time to do it with grace, love and a great deal of prayer. With the help of a few supportive people who have become so close to my heart, I have learned I cannot get through these obstacles without God.

Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

Trust those who love and support you and trust in the Lord. It is all we can hope for, and without it we will live with a fear that will adversely affect how we live our lives.

I have heard so often, in many situations lately, that we cannot have both fear and faith. It is the truth! We must choose one. Either we trust in the Lord and choose faith, or we worry and have fear in everything.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1

When I stopped being mad at God I found my faith again. My mind was less confused, my heart was less burdened, and my overall health started to improve. I stopped worrying so much, I didn’t stress as often, and I found myself at peace more often than not.

Fear brings worry and stress and pain and uncertainty in everything happening in our lives. It steals our joy, robs us of our peace and makes us question everything by living in an apprehensive state. Fear is a denial that God will take care of everything.

Faith is a gift from God. If we trust in Him, study His word and use it in prayer, our faith will grow. It’s not an achievement or something we find in ourselves, but rather something we are gifted when we put our belief in the Lord.

The only thing we should fear in our life is God Himself.

Whoever fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge.

Proverbs 14:26

Just as we grow in trust in our relationships with our fellow man, we must also grow in our relationship with God. The more we pray, the more we use scripture in our prayers, and the more we trust the closer we become to Him. Fear comes from the trials we face, but trusting in God during these times makes our faith stronger and in turn makes us closer to Him.

The devil may chase you, he may knock on your door, he may challenge you, but use God’s word and trust in Him to help you defeat the evil that surrounds you.

I pray for strength every day. I read my devotions and I read scripture. Throughout my journey I know God has saved me. My life is better because I have trusted in Him, and I have handed over the reins to the problems I cannot control. It’s a daily chore for me, and I sometimes waver.

Often, I lose sight of my surroundings and begin a fall into a downward sprial I struggle to get out of. It happens more often than I want to admit. I lose my bearings on what my heart has taught me, and I question my own thinking. It is a battle within my own self. Paranoia sets in, I fight for my self worth, and I question who to trust.

Lately, I have been struggling and feeling like every step I take presents another stumbling block. It’s overwhelming, and I feel the darkness surrounding me. These are the times I normally pray for strength, but lately I grapple with getting in the right mindset.

But, it is an unnecessary wrestling within my mind, a rhetorical question.

Fear or Faith?

I read a devotion today that spoke to me in such a way that I knew the Lord was addressing me. With so many uncertainties in my life at the moment, I relish the moments this happens to me and I especially take note of the circumstances.

I felt God’s light shining on me. The Prince of Peace was speaking to me, and I know it is a serious moment when I have these strong feelings. It is a time I have reason to worry, but yet a time I know I need to hand it over, trust and let Him lead me.

For all of those who struggle with your beliefs, waver in your thoughts about God and the spiritual world I would like you think about this. My life consists of living in the midst of storm after storm. The darkest storms that are so strong I cannot survive them alone.

I am not speaking of “alone” as in a physical state, but rather a lonely darkness that I live with while surrounded by many people. Do not confuse it with something you necessarily know. It is a loneliness you can never imagine unless you have actually lived in it.

For me, there is only one path to take in order to survive and that is not with fear. Fear would consume me just as a tornado consumes everything in its path. Hope and prayer and faith are the only solutions to help me escape.

I will always choose faith. I may fall and I may falter, but the light of God will shine down on me and guide me into the way of peace. xo

Because of and through the heart of tender and mercy and loving-kindness of our God, a Light from on high will dawn upon us and visit [us] to shine upon and give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to direct and guide our feet in a straight line into the way of peace.”

Luke 1:78-79
Posted in Self Help

Morning Peace

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

I’m not really a morning person, but I love early mornings when the world is just waking up and there is peace and quiet. The trees sway in the morning air, the birds sing and there is solitude. The house is silent and my mind is calm.

These are the moments I can relax in this soundless hour with only a distant chirping in the outside daybreak. The bluebirds exit their house for their morning mealtime and the squirrels hang from the bird feeder in a desperate attempt to snatch what they can before they fall.

Nature is so innocent and serene. The exact opposite of the realm I live in.

An angry world with chaos and uncertainty. It is spreading like wildfire. The fear, the despair, the ambiguity. Spiraling out of control without a safety net.

We are all in some of this together, yet it is far from our domain. Is my morning peacefulness just a facade?

Outside of it lies a place of precariousness I cannot comprehend. It is a space I do not want to occupy, one I cannot allow myself to inhabit at the moment.

It is all too much, and I find myself only able to battle with one attack at a time. The thought of any more than that engulfs my mind with anxiety and frustration, sending me to the edge.

Ultimately, my morning peace is taken over by movement and reality sets in. Another day with the same personal battle, but hopeful the waking hour has brought a refreshed start with it.

One step at a time, one foot in front of the other, with the Lord by my side. It is the only way to approach and fight this beast.

This unstoppable beast that has stolen so much of my tranquil mindfulness and so much more.

Eventually, I know the obstacles will bring darkness and surround me. My faith, my prayers, the Lord is my only salvation.

I pray the darkness will not overcome me, and the Lord will grant me a peaceful asylum.

Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always in every way. The Lord be with you all.“

2 Thessalonians 3:16
Posted in Family, Self Help

Family Blessings

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

The days seem to run together for us lately. It’s like we are just living one day to get to the next, not thinking about what we are doing or what our purpose is other than to just get from one moment to the next.

I asked my dad if he ever thought he would live through a time like this. He said he never thought he would.

I think about the events my grandparents lived through, depressions and wars. They didn’t know much if anything about computers, and my grandmother was amazed with FaceTime not long before she died. She lived through so much, yet our lives hardly touched when it came to ways of living. She grew up and lived in a world I barely know, and my world outgrew her long before she died.

It almost makes me sad. When my grandmother died we all gathered at her home, and my children loved listening to my dad and uncle talk about when they were kids. It was hours of rehashed memories, listening to them talk about the fun they had growing up, and their unpretentious life.

It makes me yearn for simpler times. I’m so thankful my boys knew their great grandparents. Their knowledge of living is something you cannot just learn in a history book. And, it’s a tale never to be forgotten.

I relish the times I have with my family. I am thankful for my dad and my uncle and the relationships I have with them as well as the ones they have with my kids. Family bestows all the joys in life.

I will never take the memories I have for granted, nor will I ever regret the close relationships I have kept. I will welcome time spent reminiscing, and I just pray my children will do the same. I will continuously be thankful for all the family who I have been blessed with in my life.

More than ever I want my children to spend time with grandparents and uncles and aunts and their dad and me making those precious moments that will later become the highlights of their life. One day, that is all there will be.

This week, more setbacks were thrown at our feet, and tonight, I find myself more sentimental than yesterday. I can’t help it, things always seem to weigh on my mind.

It’s difficult not to focus on the truths lurking around you. It’s hard to constantly be positive when there’s so much negative flooding your life. I have learned it takes mental strength and an abundance of willpower. Some days I simply don’t have enough of either.

It’s two in the morning, and my mind is heavy. The effort of sorting through my thoughts helps clear my head. Despite being overtired, I haven’t been able to find sleep tonight. There’s more in my mind that needs digesting.

I may not have solved the world’s problems, or totally found the peace I need, but I have reminded myself of all my blessings and those I am most thankful for tonight.

In this time of uncertainty we should take the time for ourselves. Search our souls for our inner peace and find all that is good in our lives. In times of despair we are so vulnerable and quick to focus on the negative. Stop and pray, focus on our own being and don’t let the pandemonium of the world steal our inner peace.

Radiate humility, meditate, and count the many blessings every minute of the day.

Posted in Cancer, Self Help

There is Light

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

Is everyone feeling a little more anxious today? Overwhelmed?

With the latest announcement of school closing until May 15, I imagine many of us are banging our heads against a wall asking, WHY?

We want to go to work, go to school, have teachers teach in a classroom, work from our workplace office, go to the gym, the grocery store, church, baseball games and parties. Can’t we just get back to normal?

Honestly, I want more than anything for life to get back to normal. But, I’ve been praying for life to get back to normal for a long, long time. Our family has been practicing some social distancing on and off, during flu season, chemo and infections.

My husband is fighting cancer for his life, and I have this pit in my stomach. This pandemic is just upping the game!

In the back of my mind, I’m worried about this virus and my family being around someone who may have been exposed. At first I didn’t cut my children off 100 percent from their friends, allowing some outdoor interaction and a visit here and there. It has been hard, but honestly, the last 609 days have been hard.

This virus scares me more and more everyday, but to tell the truth, cancer is what is scaring me the most. It’s spiraling out of control and this beast won’t stop. Nothing has stopped it. NOTHING! And, there’s no mad dash to find a vaccine or a cure or even the cause.

609 Days!

Days consumed with stress, worry, tears, restfulness, concern. Many of those days involved clinic or hospital visits, travel, setbacks and uneasiness.

But, all of those days involved blessings and prayers, love, family, and thankfulness. Some had laughter, some had tears, but there was continuous gratitude for God.

10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

Some of us go through private storms others don’t have to experience. Some of us go through storms as a community, a state, a nation or a world. And, some of us are going through both.

Negativity spreads like wildfire. Complaining creates chaos. The “blame game” doesn’t solve a thing. We are all doing the best we can in these uncharted waters so just STOP complaining and blaming everyone. Just stop! It’s not what our society needs and it’s not what our kids need.

Our children are struggling with school abruptly ending, no sports, no prom, and maybe no graduation. Their futures are lingering in the unknown, and just maybe they need us to remain calm and positive.

It’s understandable because each of us has unknowns in our life. We all have struggles, but we just need to show some compassion. Display a little humility. Count our blessings.

Turn off the TV, step away from social media and just for a little while step away from the commotion, enjoy family and partake in some fun. Get our minds off the negative and be thankful for what we have. Help our children through it.

It really could be worse, but we can get through this.

Find our message in our mess!

Be Humble and Kind!

Choose Faith over Fear!

Find Joy!

Maybe we can’t create total Peace on Earth! But, we can show a little kindness, be a good friend or neighbor, help our children through the uncertainties, and surround ourselves with positivity.

Be optimistic, there is light at the end of the tunnel. We just have to look for it.

Posted in Cancer

Essentials Only

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

Do you ever just have a bad feeling about something? 

You just know it in your gut because you feel the start of this uneasiness. That’s me.

 It’s like clockwork, like the rise and fall of a breathing machine. My journey is consumed with unexpected twists and turns, and I never know what’s going to jump out in front of me next and send me in a tailspin.

Everyone has been worrying about this crazy virus, but me, I’ve been worrying about this crazy cancer. And, let me tell you sarcoma is an unforgiving beast with a strength that is unknown to men.

The fierceness it has is unimaginable, like “the terminator,” unleashing fury and regenerating itself. It fights back harder than you know, with an unstoppable force. It’s scary because nothing seems to kill it, not for long if at all.

I can only imagine what it looks like under a microscope, from one day to the next, taking over and consuming everything in its path like an evil force.

I’m sitting here in the ER parking lot crying in the car alone, as my husband is in the ER alone getting treated. It is without my knowledge of who is the doctor or what they are doing. And that, that is unsettling to me.

I am his caregiver. He is the father of my children. I have been right there the whole way, going through this as if it is me fighting for my life.

Those of you who know my story know this is unsettling to me and you know why. I don’t want him to be here, but it’s the best option at the moment. I have no control, and I can’t stand it.

I understand this virus is serious, and I understand the why of where I am right now. But, I don’t have to like the fact he is alone in there, and I am out here.

I’m not judging any of you, but if you are out doing non-essential things please stop. Please?

Trust me, you don’t want to need medical care right now. You don’t want to go to the hospital and be alienated from your family. Believe me when I say it’s not a feeling you want to experience at the moment

Have you even thought about that?

Our family has been fighting this cancer for 606 days…TOGETHER!

13 Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. 16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”

James 5:13-16

I bet our healthcare providers, ER workers, first responders, and all those other essential people want to sleep at night and not worry about infecting their families. People, please stay home so this will go away because I don’t wish my today on anyone. xo

#ocockstrong

Posted in Self Help

Love Your Life

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

When my husband got sick with cancer it felt like I was living in a glass house. Scared and afraid to make a move not knowing how to navigate my way.

Until that point, I spent so much time looking for a happiness that didn’t exist. I was lost, wandering around in my life without a destination or a roadmap.

Sure I was a mother of four, a wife, a volunteer, a sister, a baseball mom, a daughter, a niece, a friend. In a sense though, I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. I had become a stranger to my own world and didn’t know where I fit in.

I needed a purpose. I needed to have my own meaning.

Most of us would like to sit back and pretend we don’t know what I’m talking about. Many would point to their picture perfect life with a white picket fence, a praiseworthy marriage, and a June Cleaver suburban lifestyle. But, let’s face it, we all know, honestly, we are lying. To ourselves and to each other.

Stop being a pretender.

When you try to change yourself to pretend to be somebody else, you don’t feel comfortable. It is beautiful to be what you are.

Jean Paul Gaultier

If we are being honest, and I’m telling you we ARE being honest, none of us have exactly that do we? Not all of it, and not all the time. We have troubles with our children, fights with our spouse, fed up moments we want to run away, or insecurities or doubts about what the heck we are doing.

We are sick of selfish partners, tired of spoiled or fighting children, broken from being walked on or taken for granted, and envious of our friends who we think have it all. We are lost somewhat without a purpose and scrambling for a way to find one.

All of us feel some of that and some of us feel all of that. Let’s be real. I’ll be the first to admit my life is far, far from ideal even if you take the cancer out of it. I thought that before, and now it’s more accurate and obvious than ever.

Life is a challenge. It’s a challenge for all of us. We all have our troubles. And, it’s OK.

We are fighting battles not everyone knows about. Do you really think the only pain, the only struggle I have in life right now is my husband having cancer?

Don’t be so naïve. Anyone who knows me knows I’m a pretty private person. Everyone was going to find out about the cancer eventually. I’m just trying to get through it, and hopefully help someone else get through their crusade. It helps me to talk about it.

I’ve been a writer my whole life. Sometimes professionally and sometimes for myself. It is my passion. That’s why I do it because I LOVE it. It is what I have always wanted to do, I just took several detours to get here.

Trust me, the illness is one of the many conflicts in my life right now. I could blow you away and make you wonder how I’m still sane. But, that’s my life story. One that I’m not completely ready to talk about with the world quite yet and honestly not anyone’s business.

Think about how much curiosity I’ve sparked and then look in the mirror. It’s so much easier to deal with everyone else’s downfall, from afar, and take the focus off yourself. A safe place to whisper, to judge, to empathize, feel sorry, gossip, or whatever it is you like to do.

If my sad story makes you feel better about yours, then you’re welcome. Take your time and deal with your life when you’re ready.

I’m not going to lie and say it’s an easy place to be. I’m not going to say I don’t struggle with “why?” on several days. I will admit I cry A LOT. For myself and my children and for their dad. It’s hard to face the reasoning of why you have to suffer so much and lose a loved one. There’s nothing easy about it and there’s no silver lining in sight.

If I’ve learned anything… it’s OK to not be OK. It’s fine to cry, to scream, to be mad at God or not understand the reasoning. Some questions just can’t be answered for us.

The will of God will not take us where the grace of God cannot sustain us.”

Billy Graham

You aren’t alone if you don’t have a perfect relationship with your spouse, your children, your boss, or your mother-in-law. You’re not isolated if you have a family feud going on or if you have an addict in your house, your spouse doesn’t give you attention, you can’t pay your bills, or you worry about your children’s future. Everyone is going through something and many of us are going through A LOT.

You’re not alone people. Stop making yourself miserable thinking you are and believing everything you see on social media. Stop comparing. People aren’t posting about their kid flunking math or their spouse staying out til 3 am without an excuse.

Don’t let others make you feel bad about yourself. Just don’t!

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma—which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.

Steve Jobs

I have talked to friend after friend about all of this nonsense. Many say they don’t use social media because they can’t stand the negativity or the perfect little life posts. Some say they have struggles with their marriage, worries with their kids, and concerns about careers, families, or their mental well being.

You aren’t the only one going through it. Stop worrying about everyone else. Don’t try to one up people, put down others to make yourself feel better, act like you have a flawless life, or envy others. Spend your time making your life the one you love and long for. In the end, your life is the only one you have to live. xo

Posted in Cancer

Cancer and a Virus

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

March 12, 2020

As I sit here in the radiology waiting room I look around. Surrounded by the sick, cancer patients, and those struggling through life. The television plays in the background with uninterrupted talk of the coronavirus, cancellations, travel warnings and threats to our everyday world and economy.

Have we all not suffered enough lately? Broken dreams for some of us, private struggles, lots of tears, lots of unknowns, unusual school semesters, family illnesses and life as we always knew it…gone in an instant. It’s a lot to handle, to digest to even think about. There are no words for the pain, uneasiness, regret, and heartbreak. I want life to just be normal, but sadly none of us know what that even is anymore.

I know our family isn’t the only one grappling with reality, but can’t we just make all this stop? Can’t we just catch a break? Can the hurt just cease?

My heart aches for my children. Dealing with their dad being ill is hard enough, but now everywhere we turn things are “messed up.” I keeping asking why and then I stop and remind myself how I need to pray harder.

A feeling of doom enters my space and I stop. Just stop! I know the devil likes it too much and he’s the last one I will give in to. Anger consumes me, and I feel like screaming. I will NEVER let him get to me…EVER.

8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.

1 Peter 5:8-9

I looked back at that quick journal entry I wrote last week while in the cancer center and think about how I felt that day and now what it means to me reading it today. It had a significant meaning that day, and today it has another one as well. Fighting cancer is a lot like fight this virus. We are all at the start of a path that we have no idea where it leads.

I’ve already lived one day like that before. I’m not really excited to relive it. This round is a little like a double-edged sword for us.

Uncertainty, unknowns, and fears. Not to mention those who hoard, talk of conspiracy, and the economy. I wish we had the choice to ignore the warnings, go about our business, think this is media hype, but we don’t. And, in all honesty we can’t afford for anyone else to think that way either.

I’m concerned about new diagnoses, upcoming treatments, and honestly how this all is going to play out. Not for the virus, but for the cancer. How is one going to affect the other?

We are in cancer treatment mode. Everything else is just an unwanted bonus that we don’t need or want.

If things do get bad who’s going to get turned away if the medical facilities are too full? Who’s going to get the respirators and who’s going to get the last bed for treatment?

I’ve heard elective surgeries will be postponed, but will chemo treatments get administered or put off? Will scans get done in a timely manner? If you can comprehend how nodules double in size in two months, you probably realize someone may not have time on their side. This virus has the potential to provide roadblocks for the seriously ill.

It’s a lot to think about, and a lot to try NOT to worry about. But, the fact of the matter is…I do.

Posted in Devotional, Self Help

Uphill

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

There are so many situations in my world that I can’t fix or repair right now. So many times I want to flip a switch and make everything OK.

But, I know I can’t. That’s not the way life works is it?

It’s crazy how all the blessings we take for granted in life, and what has to happen in order for us to realize we can never let one second of joy escape us.
Life is hard enough without having to dwell on situations we can’t relinquish.
So many times I talk about forgiveness and putting things in the past, yet it’s difficult to achieve. We all know forgiveness is sometimes hard and forgetting is most of the time impossible. Our heart just can’t entirely let go.

What if we could go back and change all the situations we have messed up?

What if we had a big life eraser to blot out the mistakes?

I think we all have regrets in living. That’s an easy one to agree on, but can we forget the regrets we have and move on?

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.”

C.S. Lewis

Can we live with the mistakes we make? And how can we save ourselves the pain and not make them in the first place?

I don’t know if it’s harder to forgive and forget other’s choices or our own. They say we only have to live with our own decisions, but is that really true?

Sometimes I believe we live with the choices of others, but maybe that’s because we choose to. Let’s face it relationships should be, but aren’t always, 50/50. We would be lying to ourselves if we thought one person doesn’t give more than the other. The best thing we can hope for is we aren’t always the only one giving.

I guess the only truth worse than living with a wounded relationship is worrying about someone you love living in one. We all want to be happy, and we want that for our loved ones as well. It’s hard to watch someone we care so much about struggle, and it’s even worse realizing we can’t nor we should try to fix it.

So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”

Matthew 7:12

People generally have a valid reason for feeling the way they do. Not that it’s always accurate, but you can’t constantly help how you feel.

We can all be selfish at times, downright stubborn, or we can be forgiving and empathetic. Either way it doesn’t make it a given that you are going to be on the positive side. Relationships take work and until both parties are ready to meet in the middle and compromise it’s never going to get resolved. 

I was having a conversation with my daughter today regarding something she was upset about. She said it wasn’t fair. I thought to myself…we are going to talk about life being fair?

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

John 14:27

I didn’t want to go down that road with her because ultimately what I consider “unfair” in life affects her as well. If we want to have that conversation I can pretty much spend hours building my case. Fact of the matter is life is NOT fair. I will just go ahead and get that out of the way. If you think you are owed anything, then step off your high and mighty and have a seat.

I proceeded to tell my daughter that if she thinks life is going to EVER be easy, then she needs to change her attitude. Go ahead and count on life being hard. An uphill road. A constant struggle. Disappointment. Sadness. Pain. Heartbreak. Depend on life being a battle and count your blessings when something good happens or works out in your favor.

I say this because life is an uphill road with a mirage of twists and turns. Don’t expect anything more and you won’t be disappointed.

We are all fighting to stay afloat. We have all been violated or mistreated or dealt a difficult hand. We are all struggling with something going on in our life. Don’t play the victim, don’t hold a grudge, don’t let people take advantage of you, but do be the better person in the situation.

Maybe we can’t always take the higher road, but just remember life is hardly ever fair. And, we were never promised it would be.

Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

Psalm 62:8

I pray for peace in all of our hearts, that we can find joy somewhere. Remember our struggles are to make us stronger in our faith and prepare us for what’s to come. With each tribulation I wonder what suffering will transpire, but it is not my story to write, nor my worry.

It is hard to trust in what we cannot see, but we aren’t suppose to lean on our own understanding. Dig deep, grasp your faith, pray, trust not in your own understanding. Affliction builds strength, but we must not walk alone. Build faith, learn to trust, study God’s word, and work against negative forces.

I’ve realized this walk will take years, perhaps a lifetime. But, I have my road map. I just have to study it, and trust it’s meant to get me where I’m going.