Sleepless

It’s 2:30 in the morning. That’s my mind’s favorite time to be awake. What’s yours?

I don’t know how others are feeling, but I have an idea many of you are feeling a little uneasy, stressed, uncertain about how the coming weeks are going to play out. Yeah, I feel you.

I have so much on my mind lately I don’t know where to start. I frantically fumble through my thoughts sometimes in the evening, wondering if I have forgotten anything I was supposed to do today. Pay a bill, make an appointment, pick up a prescription. Not to mention the something even more important than all of that.

Seriously, I stop and hold my breath some nights as I file through my mind, wondering what I missed. It’s exhausting some days. And, on those days I walk around until I catch myself, with my shoulders tensed up and my neck in knots.

On these days particularly, I hear my doctor’s voice in my head reminding me I’m ruining my health. Lately, I’ve realized I’m probably ruining someone else’s health because they are worrying about me.

I hate that. I really will be fine.

As if life wasn’t overpowering me already. Why does all hell have to break loose at once?

I keep telling myself I’m going to do meditation tomorrow so I can make myself relax. Tomorrow, I am promising myself. Tomorrow, I will follow through.

It’s hard to stay positive and not let all the negative consume us. And sadly, I’m finding it extremely difficult to do in the midst of a pandemic. It’s all everyone talks about or posts about, and I need a break from it. I am already consumed with the cancer fight. That’s a full plate.