Tag: faith

Posted in Self Help

Unseen Signs

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

Ever feel like you were just sent a sign?

Something was revealed to you. You read a story, a quote or a message.

Ever feel like you discovered something and it just clicked in your head and resonated with everything you’ve been questioning in your mind?

Me, too.

I often feel my life is a BIG puzzle, and I am just scrambling around trying to find all the missing pieces. And, sometimes there’s a piece that looks exact but doesn’t fit quite right.

Sometimes I find myself staring, searching then realizing it’s all right there in front of me. I just didn’t see it.

And, I realize maybe, it wasn’t time.

I feel I have spent much of the last two and a half years being scared, worrying, grieving. After my son’s accident last fall I began this regression. I spent all my time worrying, stressing and taking care of my son and husband. I was stuck in this fear mode that began to consume me.

I found my heart battling with my brain, one bringing me down and the other fighting to keep me afloat. At the time I didn’t know it. I didn’t know what was happening, but the signs, the pieces…they were there.

Thanksgiving brought my three older children home from college and back to the nest. For the next two months I spent the most time with my youngest daughter. Almost daily, day after day, was filled with moments with her.

I’m not certain what happened during those days, but I do know my children comfort my soul. They enliven me, they motivate me, they encourage me, and they inspire me. They make me want to be better in so many ways. The strength I see in them makes me want to be in undiluted joy.

After two months I dreaded the day she left, but what I don’t think she realized was what she gave me while she was here.

So many signs. So much resilience. So much peace.

I have sought strength daily and prayed for my children, because I didn’t know what else to do. At the same time, I have struggled, stumbled and grasped for something to hold onto, and I have fought for some kind of control within myself.

It has been like treading water, and I tired a long time ago. I kept fighting when there wasn’t a fight left. I believe in times of despair it is hard to see the signs, hard to find the pieces, hard to accept what is right in front of us.

Hard to trust what we cannot see.

But, never give up. It will present itself.

How does it happen?

For me, I got to the point of exhaustion. It’s a long, confusing and mentally draining road to take. My faith was the only place I could find strength, the only being who could get me through the darkness, the only power that could calm my heart. In the midst of my unknown, I was lost. I wasn’t strong enough by myself. I simply had to believe in what I could not see.

Trust

When we are struggling with things out of our control, struggling to change, struggling to be better or do better, or struggling with chaos or despair or heartbreak, we sometimes have to trust what we cannot see. We are on a path, unknowing to where it leads. Trust the journey.

Peace

Make peace in your heart. Take time out to rest and quiet the noise. In the silence, a higher power will speak to you and calm your soul. Simply finding some sort of peace, taking time out, quieting all the chaos and finding that solitude does the soul good.

Patience

Don’t lose patience. Have patience with yourself and in your faith. Things do not always come to us simply when we want them. We are not always on our own time. Simply, our path is set. Our journey will reveal itself to us when it is meant to happen. Be patient and have faith. Love yourself and give yourself the time you need.

hope

Never lose hope. Hope is all we have at times, and it has more power than we will ever know. Hope has saved souls, been the guiding light, and restored peace. Hope is a feeling of trust. Never lose it.

Posted in Devotional

Action Required

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

Do you ever feel like the world is crumbling around you, and you need to take action?

I swear I look around and wonder what’s happening to us. I’ve been trying to stay off social media, but last night I just blew it up. I don’t know what came over me…other than I’m sick and tired of everything.

Stressed.

Depressed.

Overwhelmed.

Consumed with the chaos.

I keep telling myself to just step back away from it all. It’s better to be out of the loop.

In some cases, yes.

I don’t know what’s going on in the world half the time, and the other half I know more than I care to know. Some days I think I can’t keep up with the local news if I don’t scroll Facebook. It’s like an addiction. I know it’s bad for me, and I’m going to come away with a headache, but I get sucked in by everyone else doing it.

I hate that so much.

I’m out of my routine, and that’s a bad thing. It leaves too much space for my mind to wander. Too much free time, wasted.

I love summer with the kids, but as soon as this crazy virus hit it sent my self-discipline out the window. And, my routine with it.

This may sound crazy, but it seems to me everything is a distraction from what really matters. I cannot focus enough to write my blog, stay mentally healthy or have a normal schedule. Before this hit I felt tuned in to everything that was good and positive.

I was on track, on the right road. Healthy. Not faking it.

Now, I just feel disoriented.

Lost in the chaos and looking for some sort of order. I need structure back in my life. I’m hoping to find that in the coming weeks as the kids settle back into school, and I attempt to settle back into my own focus of staying positive and healthy.

I was thinking the other day…the devil is at work. Tearing me away, putting doubt in my mind.

I’m not proud to admit I falter in my faith. I have good intentions, but I seem to stumble lately. I stumble a lot. I search for my sanity…getting back on track, and then it’s like I hit a road block and every intention flies out the window.

I’m flustered, but I’m also determined to get my mind right. After all, half the battle is our mindset.

Right?

Today, it’s the beginning of a new day.

Some action is required!

Just as Peter used his fear to put his faith in God, we too, should remember to use each opportunity as a stepping stone to become closer to Him. We just have to make a conscious effort to do it and trust in the Lord.

28 And Peter answered him, ‘Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.’ 29 He said, ‘Come.’ So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, ‘Lord, save me.’ 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, ‘O you of little faith, why did you doubt?’ 32 And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33 And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, ‘Truly you are the Son of God’.” 

Matthew 14:28-33

We cannot lose hope. Ever.

Everything in my life revolves around my family, my children, and hubby’s cancer. It’s sad in a sense of what drives me, but on the other hand it gives me the opportunity to strengthen my faith that God’s plan is already laid out, and He will take action to lead us on our journey. When I remind myself of that, I do what I’m suppose to do.

Trust rather than worry.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

Matthew 6:34

Sometimes it’s easier said than done, but in the end I believe in my soul there is a reasoning for it all. All the time I spend worrying about situations I cannot control takes away from living my life to the fullest. I cannot cure the virus or calm the fears, nor can I stop the cancer.

Faith calms my heart in times of anxiousness and fear and eases my mind. It provides the peace I need, the strength to get through the tough days, and the hope I cannot live without.

It is simply our action to believe that’s required. And, in a world where we are living with only the essentials, faith is a prerequisite. xo

Posted in Self Help

Disconnect to Connect

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

Know what it means to Disconnect to Connect?

I read that yesterday at the end of a mentally tough day, and it dawned on me I knew exactly what it meant. Well, what I think it means for me.

In a world where so many people are struggling I feel the urge to pick up and run.

Just. Run.

Not away or any place in particular. Just run. The only stumbling block would be getting away from my own mind.

I can close my eyes and see myself. There’s nothing in front of me. Nothing within my peripheral vision.

In the rear, I sense there is something hoovering over me. All around me is a lightly wooded area headed into nowhere. It’s cloudy and gray, surrounded by nature. There’s simply nothing in sight.

What does all that mean?

I really have no sense of curiosity because in my muddled sanity I know it’s nothing good. I want to say there’s a sense of hopelessness, but I don’t dare think that way.

There is always HOPE. I won’t forget that even on my darkest days. Survival depends on HOPE.

Always.

Another person lost a loved one to cancer, another person cried for help, and so many I know are mourning a life we lost months ago, within a matter of days. In a split second it seems our mere existence flashed in front of us, and we are living in a divergent world.

Life can be such a desolate spot at times, but I remind myself life is harsh. We need to remind ourselves of that daily, especially in these times. Everyone around us is struggling.

Everywhere there is a sense of unknown.

We spend our entire childhood wanting to grow up, thinking at that point we can do what we want, we will be happy, and life will go along perfectly as planned.

We start to live as if life owes us. We have such unrealistic expectations of what living is, what defines success, what brings us happiness, and what our whole existence is made up of that we cannot decipher what’s real and what’s not.

Or maybe it’s not until we have all those things and realize somethig is still missing.

Maybe we just don’t know how to measure life?

Or maybe we all need to Disconnect from what we expect life to be and Connect to what life actually is.

It’s hard.

An uphill battle.

Full of hardships, tears, tragedy, and heartache. Overflowing with challenges, hard choices, and disappointment. If we stop having such high expectations and focusing on “things,” it’s possible we could actually appreciate the little treasures life has to offer.

They are there. We just have to look for them and stop imagining a life filled with fireworks and bliss.

8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Appreciate moments, not things, because you can never go back in time.

I have caught myself a few times this week wishing I could go back. Go back to the way life used to be, when it seemed much simpler, my children were small, and we laughed more than we cried. Living in the past is a hard way to live though, and it hinders our ability to grow and learn and adapt.

Sometimes we just have to disconnect from the idea of what we thought our lives should look like, and connect to the reality of what it really is. It’s not the end of the world, it’s just a bend in the road. Adjust, and keep moving forward.

Posted in Cancer

CANCER

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

Hebrews 11:1

What’s there to say?

Everyone dreads the word when they hear it. We all want to think positive thoughts, believe we can beat it, hope we will be the one to defeat the odds. But in the end is that possible?

Really, what’s there to say?

My heart is broken. It breaks a little bit more every time I hear about someone I know having cancer, sickened with cancer, their body weakening or suffering from this horrible disease that seems to run rampant throughout our lives.

Every time I hear of another prey, another sad story, another loss it hits closer to home. It eats away at me a little bit more.

Will it ever stop?

Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Matthew 17:20

Many don’t realize cancer sets the stage. The effects of this monster wreak havoc on its victims, their families, and everyone around them. It creates complication after complication until a healthy figure is battered and wounded. Not only do they have to fight the cancer, but every complication that comes with it. Every new hurdle it creates.

Hurdle after hurdle. We fight one after another, with no end in sight.

At some point in this battle, I’m not exactly sure when, I realized this is the new way of life. It is a fight from here on out, one that we will battle no matter how tired we get. It’s like I hold my breath until the next scan, the next treatment, the next round. And, with every step there comes a new revelation.

It’s an emotional life to live.

Last night, I changed the bandage I change every night, tears filling my eyes as I know the healing is a distant reality if at all. My tears are for all..all those who suffer, all those I can relate to, and for my husband, our family.

Once cancer attacks you or your spouse or your child it is like it’s inside you. You are living with it, it’s in your house, and it is a constant reminder. It consumes every minute of your day, every thought. It steals your peace, tugs at your sanity, plays with your emotions. It hides, it attacks, it doesn’t play fair, and it has no empathy.

Cancer, you’re always on my mind. You exhaust me, drain me at times. You attempt to steal my joy, rob me of sleep, and fill me with worry. You are the devil on my back.

Maybe there is no escape, but I will not lose my faith. I will fight you until the end.

Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.”

Psalms 103:2-4 

I pray for strength and healing and miracles. I pray for God to spare us from this battle. I pray for the others I know who are on this path. I pray for their families and for their souls. I pray for my husband, and I pray for my children. Many nights I fall asleep in the middle of my prayers, but I will still pray.

I will pray to the very end. And then, I will pray some more. xo

Posted in Family

Happy Mother’s Day, With Love

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

1 Corinthians 13:13

I have loved being a mother since the day I set eyes on my baby girl 22 years ago. Yes, it is hard to believe I myself have been a mother 22 years, and the fact I am old enough to have children even older than that is astounding to me. Nonetheless, I am.

Having four children has, hands down, given me the biggest accomplishments, while at the same time giving me the most difficult job, the most heart warming moments, the most joy, the most anxiety, the most heart break, the most laughs and the most tears.

Motherhood has offered the best times of my life, as well as some not so easy times. It has been a journey filled with love, learning, self awareness, acceptance, defeat, sadness, joy, maturity, realizations and lessons.

I would like to be able to say being a mother has been pure bliss, a happy, joyful journey with the best days of my life and nothing less. If I am truthful being a mother HAS been all of that, along with some heart breaking, some painful, and some difficult days as well.

For me, motherhood is without a doubt the best part of my life, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I am so blessed to have four wonderful children who have made my family complete.

I would not trade any part of the journey, good or bad. The joy far outweighs the bumps in the road, and I will love them all the same until the day I die.

None of us are perfect, and we don’t live in a perfect world. Life is not always kind, but that adversity teaches us it is up to humanity to make it better and resist all the bad around us. As mothers we hate to see our children suffer, but it is our job to guide them on how to navigate the path even when it’s a difficult road.

I have always taught my children to be kind to others, don’t judge a book by its cover, or treat others harshly just because your peers may. We never know how people are living and it doesn’t hurt to just be nice to everyone. And, if people don’t bring happiness to your life than distance yourself from them.

I was so proud the other day when my youngest son, who I know has heard me tell my older children exactly that a million times said he just distances himself from people who bother him. It’s the little moments like those that make me feel worthy, like I’m not treading water, and they are actually listening.

I constantly tell my older children, “You don’t have to always do what I say, but you do have to listen to what I have to say.” I call that respect. And, if my own mother (and father) taught me anything, it is to respect your elders.

Many times I feel like the way I grew up and the way my parents were raised is obsolete in today’s society. Call it old fashioned or whatever you like, but I call it essential. As someone once said, if your children don’t learn to respect their parents growing up, they will never respect anyone. There is so much truth in that statement, and I have tried to raise my kids around that exact theory.

If nothing else, no matter where life takes them, I hope they will remember and live by those standards. I am hopeful they will invariably know how much I love them, even though at times they don’t agree with what I think or have to say. I pray they will remember what I have taught them and forever love and respect me.

6 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Proverbs 22:6

This is the first Mother’s Day in awhile I will have all my children together, in one house. I am so thankful and excited to spend it with them.

These days I relish every moment we spend as a family celebrating holidays and special ocassions. I don’t take any moments for granted like I have in the past, that things will always be the way they are.

At times, I have forgotten how precious this life is and how quickly it can all change. I worry about my children just as much now that they are becoming young adults (if not more) as I did when they were little. It seems as they grow the worries become bigger and life gets harder for all of us.

I regret I can’t share this Mother’s Day with my own mother, who taught me how to be a wonderful cook among other things, and my aunt who is like a second mother. Both of them have shaped my life and taught me so many different qualities that established the woman I am today. I am so thankful for both of them, and I know they understand how your heart can be heavy when you worry about the burdens your adult children face.

Regardless, of where they may be, they are in my heart forever.

I wish all the mothers out there a wonderful, special day. And, especially for those mothers who are fighting cancer along side their child right now…you have extra love and prayers for many more celebrations with them. xo

13As one whom his mother comforts, So I will comfort you; And you shall be comforted in Jerusalem.”

Isaiah 66:13

Posted in Devotional

Fear or Faith?

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life, and the life was the light of men. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

John 1:1-5

I have always been a christian, just at times a better one than others. We have all faltered in our life in one area or another, right?

I will spare everyone my lifetime of church and worshiping; however, in my younger days church and God was a big part of my life. Then later, there was a time I was very angry at God. I was angy at several things, several people. I guess for awhile I didn’t realize how angry.

In the last several years, my life, like many moms, has transformed into something I hadn’t prepared for early on. My children were growing up. I had wanted to go back to work, fulfill my ambitions, and put some accomplishments under my own belt. I found myself wondering why I hadn’t started already. Why I didn’t go back to school and get another degree? I had talked about several avenues, but I hadn’t started down any of the paths.

But, maybe I didn’t because it wasn’t the time. I know that now.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:  a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,  a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,  a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

Ecclesiastes 3:1-5

After my husband was diagnosed with cancer I struggled for awhile. The anger, the uncertainty, my children, our family, my plans. It was all too much to digest and think about.

For a long time it took great effort to get off the couch everyday. My world was just a very unfamiliar, dark and lonely place I didn’t want to be in. I worried about everything, stressed over anything, and was so unsettled about all things. It was overwhelming, affected my health in a number of ways, and made me a mental mess. My heart was broken, suffering for my children, and honestly it still is.

But, if I have realized anything about this pain stricken journey it is one thing…you can never lose hope. When tragedy strikes you have to have something to hold on to.

I have faced an abundance of fear, most often without a say, but I have learned over time to do it with grace, love and a great deal of prayer. With the help of a few supportive people who have become so close to my heart, I have learned I cannot get through these obstacles without God.

Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

Trust those who love and support you and trust in the Lord. It is all we can hope for, and without it we will live with a fear that will adversely affect how we live our lives.

I have heard so often, in many situations lately, that we cannot have both fear and faith. It is the truth! We must choose one. Either we trust in the Lord and choose faith, or we worry and have fear in everything.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1

When I stopped being mad at God I found my faith again. My mind was less confused, my heart was less burdened, and my overall health started to improve. I stopped worrying so much, I didn’t stress as often, and I found myself at peace more often than not.

Fear brings worry and stress and pain and uncertainty in everything happening in our lives. It steals our joy, robs us of our peace and makes us question everything by living in an apprehensive state. Fear is a denial that God will take care of everything.

Faith is a gift from God. If we trust in Him, study His word and use it in prayer, our faith will grow. It’s not an achievement or something we find in ourselves, but rather something we are gifted when we put our belief in the Lord.

The only thing we should fear in our life is God Himself.

Whoever fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge.

Proverbs 14:26

Just as we grow in trust in our relationships with our fellow man, we must also grow in our relationship with God. The more we pray, the more we use scripture in our prayers, and the more we trust the closer we become to Him. Fear comes from the trials we face, but trusting in God during these times makes our faith stronger and in turn makes us closer to Him.

The devil may chase you, he may knock on your door, he may challenge you, but use God’s word and trust in Him to help you defeat the evil that surrounds you.

I pray for strength every day. I read my devotions and I read scripture. Throughout my journey I know God has saved me. My life is better because I have trusted in Him, and I have handed over the reins to the problems I cannot control. It’s a daily chore for me, and I sometimes waver.

Often, I lose sight of my surroundings and begin a fall into a downward sprial I struggle to get out of. It happens more often than I want to admit. I lose my bearings on what my heart has taught me, and I question my own thinking. It is a battle within my own self. Paranoia sets in, I fight for my self worth, and I question who to trust.

Lately, I have been struggling and feeling like every step I take presents another stumbling block. It’s overwhelming, and I feel the darkness surrounding me. These are the times I normally pray for strength, but lately I grapple with getting in the right mindset.

But, it is an unnecessary wrestling within my mind, a rhetorical question.

Fear or Faith?

I read a devotion today that spoke to me in such a way that I knew the Lord was addressing me. With so many uncertainties in my life at the moment, I relish the moments this happens to me and I especially take note of the circumstances.

I felt God’s light shining on me. The Prince of Peace was speaking to me, and I know it is a serious moment when I have these strong feelings. It is a time I have reason to worry, but yet a time I know I need to hand it over, trust and let Him lead me.

For all of those who struggle with your beliefs, waver in your thoughts about God and the spiritual world I would like you think about this. My life consists of living in the midst of storm after storm. The darkest storms that are so strong I cannot survive them alone.

I am not speaking of “alone” as in a physical state, but rather a lonely darkness that I live with while surrounded by many people. Do not confuse it with something you necessarily know. It is a loneliness you can never imagine unless you have actually lived in it.

For me, there is only one path to take in order to survive and that is not with fear. Fear would consume me just as a tornado consumes everything in its path. Hope and prayer and faith are the only solutions to help me escape.

I will always choose faith. I may fall and I may falter, but the light of God will shine down on me and guide me into the way of peace. xo

Because of and through the heart of tender and mercy and loving-kindness of our God, a Light from on high will dawn upon us and visit [us] to shine upon and give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to direct and guide our feet in a straight line into the way of peace.”

Luke 1:78-79
Posted in Self Help

Fighting Fear

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

I barely get through one hurdle and I am fighting another one. Does it ever end?

Every time I think I have found peace some force comes from out of nowhere and slams into the back of me. It’s like I can see it in my rear view mirror, but I can’t get ahead of it. It always catches up with me.

Always.

In the last six weeks I’ve experienced every emotion imaginable. There are so many issues I’m dealing with and so many people I’m trying to help.

The other night, I thought to myself how am I doing all this?

How am I not a hot mess right now?

How has all this not affected me more negatively, pushed me back down in that pit?

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:6-9

I did feel myself going back down, falling into that pit. The pessimistic emotions were creeping back up on my mind, pushing me down and I could feel myself slipping.

Sadly, it felt familiar, almost comforting but in a vulnerable way. I felt almost in a comfort zone. Misery loves company. It was a common place that I once lived in and it got to be too comfortable. I could live there and make myself numb, shut out the outside world and just accept life as the devil wanted me to accept it.

The only problem living there was it’s unhealthy and diseased. Much like an addict cannot easily rid themself of drugs and alcohol until they admit they have a problem and seek help is similar to how a depressed soul lives. It’s a vicious cycle, and one you become accustomed to living because you can’t find your way out.

I felt that self pity and depressed spirit taking over and it felt natural. But why did I feel like that was a good place? A comfort zone?

It was as if I was telling myself this is where I should be, stay here it’s familiar. It was a weird feeling, and for a second I was almost convinced I needed to stay.

But, a light bulb went off, and there was screaming to fight back. I wasn’t going there without a fight. That common feeling wasn’t suppose to console me. It was easy, but it wasn’t good. Maybe it was a trap.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

1 Peter 8-9

Fighting was going to take effort so I repositioned my racing mind with a conscious attempt to pull myself out. Looking back maybe the devil had ahold of me, whispering in my ear telling me that was a place I wanted to be again. I started praying that night and I prayed and prayed. I was lying in bed dozing and in and out of sleep, restless in my attack until I finally drifted off. I awoke early, tired, with a troubled mind, and I prayed until I again veered off in my sleep. This time I found peace.

A few nights later came another night thinking about what I fear, and what I know from experience. Another hurdle, another bad bout, another hurdle. Why do they keep coming at me?

The death of an old childhood friend shook me this weekend. Cancer, bad news, death, sudden death…it doesn’t stop. Is it the way of the times or just reality with age? Some of these people aren’t that old, and the truth death can come at any day doesn’t leave me without an uneasiness.

It’s not that I’m scared of death, but rather scared of the pain of losing everyone I love. Why do I fear the pain so much?

What am I suppose to do? I don’t know the reasoning behind all this chaos. But, am I suppose to know the reasoning behind all the barriers in life? I don’t think that is how life works. I think back about where I’ve been, that dark place I came from and how I got to now. How am I still standing? And what’s to come?

All rhetorical questions I know, but still ones that cross my mind time to time when I suffer in a weak moment.

Don’t doubt God and don’t question him. It’s not our worry. I know this, but I still allow myself down this road every now and again. It is a dangerous place to travel with those demons.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony.

By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.

Hebrews 11:1-3

Even in my faith I sometimes find wonder. I do not claim to know it all, as I am always learning the word of God. This could be the calm before the storm where feelings live somewhere in a hidden delusion. And, maybe I’m not really OK. 

Posted in Devotional, Self Help

Find Joy

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

Do you ever feel like the past won’t let go of you?

I know we aren’t suppose to dwell on what’s over and done with, but just because something is in the past doesn’t make it finished. Sometimes we feel the need to finish it ourselves.

Often, I say I dislike social media. I guess that’s not totally true since there are obvious perks to using it, but I guess I mean to say I dislike what social media does to people.

Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent.

Proverbs 11:12

Sometimes people use social media as a platform to portray this make believe life. Why do people paint this perfect little life that doesn’t exist?

I don’t understand why someone would make a comment on social media they would never say to someone’s face.

I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago, and she said she doesn’t do social media because it makes her feel bad. She said she feels like people display this flawless life and it just makes her feel depressed about her own problems. Then, she feels she’s the only one struggling to get through the week.

I didn’t tell her I’m kind of envious of her for not succumbing to the social media pressures. However, I like it gives me the excuse to talk on the phone with her to catch up and engage in real conversation. I miss the days of talking on the phone and hearing the comfort of someone’s voice rather than getting a dry text message with a quick hello.

Our conversation made me start thinking about what she said and sadly, she’s right. I’ve actually had the same feelings myself. I’m probably one of the few people who has only been on social media in the last five years, and honestly I was just as happy before, maybe even happier.

No, not maybe. I was happier.

Lately, I have tried to limit my time, mainly just using it to post an occasional picture of my children to show how much I miss them all being together, to know I’m thinking about them, and for sharing my blog or inspirational quotes.

Many people only share the part of their life on social media they want people to know about. Then, there’s the other side who scours every nook and cranny to debate, argue and call people out.

And, let’s not forget the dreadful realization kid’s use it to bully other kids. Or worse, the parents bully.

The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but the perverse tongue will be cut off. The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable, but the mouth of the wicked, what is perverse.

Provers 10:31-32

Don’t get me wrong, social media is beneficial in a variety ways, and offers an easy avenue for promoting and getting the word out. We know society as a whole is curious. It’s our human nature, and most of us are guilty of being curious.

However, social media isn’t the real problem. Just like in most cases it’s not how it’s used, it’s how it’s abused. We, as in people, are the problem.

I have never been one to overshare my personal life. I like to be a private person, only sharing with those I’m closest. In the past I have shared my feelings, my struggles and my life with some acquaintances, mistaken for friends, but I learned the hard way not to do that anymore.

Not in that way. Now, I share my story for many reasons, but not necessarily my personal life. Some ways are obvious, and some would spark too many questions I am not obligated to answer. Regardless, I want you all to know you are not alone in your battles.

Many times, I have felt out of place, out of my comfort zone, and honestly, alone.

I realized I can be surrounded by a million people and feel like the only one in the room. I’ve been there more than once. Who am I kidding, I’ve been there more often than not.

Recently, my husband and I were talking about several years ago when the boys played sports and we traveled around. I loved it for the kids, but I hated it for myself. I never felt part of the group, never felt I had a place and looking back don’t think it was necessarily a happy experience for any of us. Perhaps, it was an eye-opening, learning experience.

During those days I wanted so desperately to have a group of friends, have a squad, have support. I had none of that. I don’t really see or talk to those people anymore, and honestly that’s fine. I know many of them are probably battling their own hidden demons, and I am here battling mine in the open.

I’m at peace. I have what I need. And, for once in my life I am fine with that, and I don’t really care what other people think. Not at all. If I did, I wouldn’t be writing this.

I think it takes a life changing event, or a come to Jesus moment in order to get to this point, this comfort zone. Or maybe, it just comes with age, a dose of reality and trusting in God.

So much pain that no one even knows about. So many inner struggles. So much brokenness. So much heartbreak people cannot begin to understand.

But, that is for another day when I am ready to talk about it.

It is so easy to sit back and judge others’ struggles. Empathetic hearts break because of your pain while apathetic ones judge and relish. Or maybe, in a sense, they are just broken, too.

Don’t try others when you have no concept of the storm they are in. Some people are so oblivious to their surroundings, but then again maybe that’s because they choose to be. I have shut so many people out of my life for that very reason, but they have no seat around my table.

I have my inner cirlce, and I have an outer circle. And, the two never touch.

No one has a perfect life. Look around at all the people who seem to have everything money can buy.

Happiness isn’t something you can achieve through social media or social status for that matter. It’s not something money can buy. It’s not a level you can get through in life and hold onto forever.

It doesn’t get you the golden ticket for sure. Not to heaven anyway.

Life is hard. We are all struggling and God never promised you it would be easy.

Happiness doesn’t come from things, or even people. Happiness comes from within yourself. It is a mood, an emotion.

Joy comes from God when we trust in Him. Seek God and your life will be an abundance of joy.

Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

John 16:24

Don’t look at social media or at others for your joy. Look at your faith.

Everyone around you isn’t really without struggles even though some days it seems that way. I promise you’re never going to see a post about all the worries or insecurities in someone’s heart. It’s easier to conceal our pain within ourselves than to admit to the world that it’s real.

I have realized if I can help someone else, then I should help them. It may be painful, but within that pain I have found my JOY. xo

Posted in Self Help

Precious, Purposeful Life

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

One foot in front of the other. Keep moving.

I’ve been telling myself that all week. My mind drifts off to what’s going on around me, and it’s like I start to stall.

Ever feel that way?

You’re surviving. Staying focused. Staying positive and then your mind starts to wander to that dark, desolate place and you find yourself in quicksand. You can’t lift your foot to move forward and you start to sink to that low.

Don’t let it happen.

You are in control of your thoughts. Don’t ever give that up.

I’ve told myself that a few times this week. Let your mind think about it for a second and then get yourself together and move forward. No matter how hard it is, stay positive and keep moving.

If I let myself get too far gone, then it’s even harder to come back from the hole I’ve let myself fall into. If you hit a low, don’t let it suck you in. It’s difficult, but don’t let the devil have ahold of you and draw you back to that place you have fought so hard to escape.

Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

James 4:7

On days I’m struggling to stay positive and all I want to do is cry, it takes an extra effort to stay positive. But, those days the demons are lurking in the darkness just waiting to help you sink yourself a little lower.

Yesterday was kind of a tough day mentally. Some bad memories resurfaced, some hurtful moments got revisited and it put me in a vulnerable frame of mind. I didn’t sleep well last night. And, I started thinking about all the unknowns in my life. Worrying about what I can’t control and needing some strength and guidance.

The weeks ahead are weighing me down. I know I need to get my feet planted firmly and my mind in the right place. Today is a day I need to start out on a good note. Days that start out poorly do not tend to go well for me, but the days I start with prayer and trusting in the Lord help me gain my strength.

“But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.

2 Thessalonians 3:3

I tell my children all the time you have to have hope and faith in something. Without it you will be lost.

However, on days you are thinking about all the sickness and turmoil in the world it is hard to not get lost. In the last few months three families I know are dealing with a new cancer diagnosis.

Why does this keep happening? Why does cancer consume every thought and prayer in my brain?

Some days I feel like it is every place I turn, every way I look, the only word I hear. How can one single word take up so much space in my head?

I know what all those families are facing. The long emotional road they are about to travel. The sorrow, the heartbreak, the fear looking them in the face. It’s like a sad song that plays over and over in your head. And, it won’t stop.

Mentally it’s exhausting. Physically it wears me down to nothing, unable to function properly or have enough energy to get to tomorrow. That’s the point I can’t let myself get to…EVER. It’s a place that messes with your mind, where demons attack, and you lose yourself. It’s the darkest blackness you will ever see.

And, I promised myself I will never go back.

I have found even in those gloomy days there is light and something to be thankful for in my life. I simply have to search for it, but mostly it’s right there staring me in the face. I believe those are the times I have just lost my focus on all the good around me.

Just as the sun will rise tomorrow, there is good in every situation, in every tragedy, every loss. Even when we can’t see it, even when we view it as a struggle, there is good somewhere underneath.

Life is precious, so don’t take it for granted. We all have a purpose.

Sometimes bad things happen to a person, not to save them, but to save someone else.

Sometimes our purpose isn’t ours at all.

Maybe, we are simply the messenger. And our purpose is to save someone else.