Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”Hebrews 11:1
What’s there to say?
Everyone dreads the word when they hear it. We all want to think positive thoughts, believe we can beat it, hope we will be the one to defeat the odds. But in the end is that possible?
Really, what’s there to say?
My heart is broken. It breaks a little bit more every time I hear about someone I know having cancer, sickened with cancer, their body weakening or suffering from this horrible disease that seems to run rampant throughout our lives.
Every time I hear of another prey, another sad story, another loss it hits closer to home. It eats away at me a little bit more.
Will it ever stop?
Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”Matthew 17:20
Many don’t realize cancer sets the stage. The effects of this monster wreak havoc on its victims, their families, and everyone around them. It creates complication after complication until a healthy figure is battered and wounded. Not only do they have to fight the cancer, but every complication that comes with it. Every new hurdle it creates.
Hurdle after hurdle. We fight one after another, with no end in sight.
At some point in this battle, I’m not exactly sure when, I realized this is the new way of life. It is a fight from here on out, one that we will battle no matter how tired we get. It’s like I hold my breath until the next scan, the next treatment, the next round. And, with every step there comes a new revelation.
It’s an emotional life to live.
Last night, I changed the bandage I change every night, tears filling my eyes as I know the healing is a distant reality if at all. My tears are for all..all those who suffer, all those I can relate to, and for my husband, our family.
Once cancer attacks you or your spouse or your child it is like it’s inside you. You are living with it, it’s in your house, and it is a constant reminder. It consumes every minute of your day, every thought. It steals your peace, tugs at your sanity, plays with your emotions. It hides, it attacks, it doesn’t play fair, and it has no empathy.
Cancer, you’re always on my mind. You exhaust me, drain me at times. You attempt to steal my joy, rob me of sleep, and fill me with worry. You are the devil on my back.
Maybe there is no escape, but I will not lose my faith. I will fight you until the end.
Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.”Psalms 103:2-4
I pray for strength and healing and miracles. I pray for God to spare us from this battle. I pray for the others I know who are on this path. I pray for their families and for their souls. I pray for my husband, and I pray for my children. Many nights I fall asleep in the middle of my prayers, but I will still pray.
I will pray to the very end. And then, I will pray some more. xo