Tag: inner peace

Posted in Self Help, Self Love

Finding Peace

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

Do you have peace in your life?

I mean real peace.

People have asked me before if I am at peace with my husband having cancer. I don’t think I will necessarily ever be at peace with that. Not in my forseeable future. But, I’m sure one day, one I cannot imagine, it will come.

It’s difficult to be at peace with a hard-pressed life. It’s hard to accept truths I don’t want to think about. I will say, I am at peace with not being at peace with that. If that’s hard to understand, then you’ve probably never been in my shoes. I don’t think I have a way of explaining it. I just feel like being at peace with it would mean I accept it. And, I’m not ready to do that just yet. I still have hope, and maybe a wish for a miracle.

I feel like I walk through life, day after day, and there’s constantly something happening, something daring me to go and search for my solitude. It can be exhausting at times, overloading my brain with intricate tasks, and adding inessential weight to my already strained shoulders.

I know a healthy person doesn’t live like that. A praying truth seeker doesn’t either.

My goal is to be both.

I am on my way.

During yesterday’s church service I recognized how guilty I am of eluding faith. I am skeptical to trust people often, and I’m regretful of not trusting God all the time. I realize I want things to turn out how I want them to be, but in God’s world I know I don’t get something just because I want it. I have to trust that is how He means for it to be. My mind struggles to let go, but I am a work in progress.

Aren’t we all?

I have discovered finding peace, remaining at peace, takes constant, committed intellect. It is simply quieting my mind in all the chaos. A place where I am silent, my mind relaxed, and I can just simply be.

It is minding my own business, it is avoiding distractions, it is not letting silly incidents upset me. It is not worrying what other people think, it is loving myself, it is accepting, it is letting myself be free. Immune to stress and worry, and insecurites, and most of all the unknown.

Finding peace can be such a simple chore, but only when I take down the walls, trust, and allow myself to let go of all my burdens. Meditate, clear the mind, and just let it happen. But, I know that’s easier said than done.

For me, I try to make a conscious effort to clear the air. With my friends and family, I say what I’m feeling. I have realized I have two choices. I either speak my mind and make peace with it, or I remain silent and make peace with it.

What’s the difference?

The choice is mine. I get to decide what lives in my head.

And, my aim is to not let people or things that don’t belong take up space anymore. I say what’s on my mind, I don’t hold my thoughts and feelings prisoner in my own head. I say it, I pray about it, and I give it to the Lord. It is simply the way it needs to be.

It is my coping mechanism. And, sometimes I fall. But, I remind myself, and then I get back up.

Lose the things, lose the places, lose the people, and lose the noise. Distance myself from all that forges chaos in my life.

Control my thoughts. Tame my mind. Don’t let anyone or anything that threatens my peace have access.

At this moment I am in the midst of a storm in my life. Some days I feel it spinning recklessly, but I know I am stronger. Somewhere within the center of my own peace there is the calmness inside my heart, and I simply just have to take ahold of it and breathe.

Posted in Self Help

Morning Peace

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

I’m not really a morning person, but I love early mornings when the world is just waking up and there is peace and quiet. The trees sway in the morning air, the birds sing and there is solitude. The house is silent and my mind is calm.

These are the moments I can relax in this soundless hour with only a distant chirping in the outside daybreak. The bluebirds exit their house for their morning mealtime and the squirrels hang from the bird feeder in a desperate attempt to snatch what they can before they fall.

Nature is so innocent and serene. The exact opposite of the realm I live in.

An angry world with chaos and uncertainty. It is spreading like wildfire. The fear, the despair, the ambiguity. Spiraling out of control without a safety net.

We are all in some of this together, yet it is far from our domain. Is my morning peacefulness just a facade?

Outside of it lies a place of precariousness I cannot comprehend. It is a space I do not want to occupy, one I cannot allow myself to inhabit at the moment.

It is all too much, and I find myself only able to battle with one attack at a time. The thought of any more than that engulfs my mind with anxiety and frustration, sending me to the edge.

Ultimately, my morning peace is taken over by movement and reality sets in. Another day with the same personal battle, but hopeful the waking hour has brought a refreshed start with it.

One step at a time, one foot in front of the other, with the Lord by my side. It is the only way to approach and fight this beast.

This unstoppable beast that has stolen so much of my tranquil mindfulness and so much more.

Eventually, I know the obstacles will bring darkness and surround me. My faith, my prayers, the Lord is my only salvation.

I pray the darkness will not overcome me, and the Lord will grant me a peaceful asylum.

Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always in every way. The Lord be with you all.“

2 Thessalonians 3:16
Posted in Family, Self Help

Family Blessings

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

The days seem to run together for us lately. It’s like we are just living one day to get to the next, not thinking about what we are doing or what our purpose is other than to just get from one moment to the next.

I asked my dad if he ever thought he would live through a time like this. He said he never thought he would.

I think about the events my grandparents lived through, depressions and wars. They didn’t know much if anything about computers, and my grandmother was amazed with FaceTime not long before she died. She lived through so much, yet our lives hardly touched when it came to ways of living. She grew up and lived in a world I barely know, and my world outgrew her long before she died.

It almost makes me sad. When my grandmother died we all gathered at her home, and my children loved listening to my dad and uncle talk about when they were kids. It was hours of rehashed memories, listening to them talk about the fun they had growing up, and their unpretentious life.

It makes me yearn for simpler times. I’m so thankful my boys knew their great grandparents. Their knowledge of living is something you cannot just learn in a history book. And, it’s a tale never to be forgotten.

I relish the times I have with my family. I am thankful for my dad and my uncle and the relationships I have with them as well as the ones they have with my kids. Family bestows all the joys in life.

I will never take the memories I have for granted, nor will I ever regret the close relationships I have kept. I will welcome time spent reminiscing, and I just pray my children will do the same. I will continuously be thankful for all the family who I have been blessed with in my life.

More than ever I want my children to spend time with grandparents and uncles and aunts and their dad and me making those precious moments that will later become the highlights of their life. One day, that is all there will be.

This week, more setbacks were thrown at our feet, and tonight, I find myself more sentimental than yesterday. I can’t help it, things always seem to weigh on my mind.

It’s difficult not to focus on the truths lurking around you. It’s hard to constantly be positive when there’s so much negative flooding your life. I have learned it takes mental strength and an abundance of willpower. Some days I simply don’t have enough of either.

It’s two in the morning, and my mind is heavy. The effort of sorting through my thoughts helps clear my head. Despite being overtired, I haven’t been able to find sleep tonight. There’s more in my mind that needs digesting.

I may not have solved the world’s problems, or totally found the peace I need, but I have reminded myself of all my blessings and those I am most thankful for tonight.

In this time of uncertainty we should take the time for ourselves. Search our souls for our inner peace and find all that is good in our lives. In times of despair we are so vulnerable and quick to focus on the negative. Stop and pray, focus on our own being and don’t let the pandemonium of the world steal our inner peace.

Radiate humility, meditate, and count the many blessings every minute of the day.

Posted in Self Help

Confessions

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

I have a confession to make.

Well, one I will share.

This past weekend I read my recent blog post about Forgiveness over and over.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to forget everything I had stored at the very back of my mind. I wanted to erase some of the past from my memory, and I wanted to go back to feeling the way I’ve been feeling lately.

Confident. Happy. At peace.

But, I felt none of that.

You see cancer is always a portion of my worry, and my heart well, that’s another story. Lately, so many bad memories have been rehashed all over again. Hurdles I encountered long ago, and now another one.

It’s hard to trust again when your heart has been broken, and it’s even harder to forgive yourself when you let it happen. Of course, it’s perplexing when there’s a slew of circumstances that are intertwined and mangled, creating a host of emotions.

No matter how many times you choose to forgive someone, there’s always that moment when you question what you’re doing and if they are worthy of it once again.

That is a question you need to discuss with God, because I’m not sure I have the answer for anyone’s situation. Even my own. Although, I did ask a friend once how many chances does someone get, and they said you do it until you can’t do it anymore. I assume that’s the same as God, who wants us to never give up.

Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Matthew 18:21-22

Just because we don’t stop forgiving doesn’t mean we shouldn’t stop letting someone hurt us. At some point in life we have to take our well being into our own hands, whether it be our physical well being or our mental self, and ask God for help.

Forgiving is the easy part. It’s forgetting that’s hard.

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.

Psalm 34:17-20

I confess it over and over, I have a hard time forgetting. I have to fight with everything I’ve got not to let the devil take ahold of me and take me down that sinful alley road. It’s like your mind can forgive, and forget…for awhile. Push it into the back of your brain, bury it, conceal it and lock it away.

In reality, it’s still there unless we let it go. It’s somewhat like a helium balloon, watching it float away, out of sight until it’s lost forever. We never look back, never give it another thought.

It’s not that I can’t forgive, it’s my heart won’t let me forget.

Is it even possible?

Are we actually capable of forgetting?

I admire people I know who are self disciplined always radiating willpower. It takes a strong mind and an unwaivering trust in God. Attractive traits I’m in love with, nonetheless.

However, in my life I’m still a work in progress.

The heart, the mind, the soul are all connected and sometimes, despite our frantic attempts in search of a cause, there is not a reason. There’s no answer to our “Why?”.

Why we can’t forget, or why we have to forgive someone over and over is a question that sometimes doesn’t have an answer.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

I think we have such a hard time because we need a motive and it’s difficult to accept maybe there’s not one. Maybe it’s just part of a bigger plan, and we have to wait for it to play out. Sometimes circumstances don’t make sense in the beginning, but they eventually come full circle.

I think rather than focusing on forgetting we need to focus on letting it go, just like that balloon. Why do we want to hold onto the bad memories? In doing so, we are only hurting ourselves more, filling our heart with pain and resentment.

It’s hard to know what someone’s heart holds. That is for God’s eyes only. They are the only ones who has to answer for their sins. The only move we can make is to trust or to be wary. It’s our choice. How you guard your heart is up to you. God wants us to forgive, not hate, but he doesn’t say forgive and forget or forgive and trust again.

Now, we come full circle with the question how many chances does someone get?

I look at my situation and think that’s irrelevant. It may not change my heart, but it may change the answer. It teaches a valuable lesson. Whatever you choose make it a choice you can always live with. Sometimes there are no second chances.

Hold onto what’s precious and let everything else go. Somewhere in all of that is where you will find your answer.

Posted in Devotional, Self Help

Forgiveness

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits
Did you know purple hyacinths are an emblem of forgiveness?

Do you think about forgiveness?

Lately, I have been thinking about it constantly.

I feel like when you’re going through life changing hurdles it makes your mind think about those kinds of things.

There’s so many situations in my life right now I wish I could change even though it’s obvious most of them I cannot. I decided life’s too short not to make some alterations if I can. Often, we get so wrapped up in the pain that someone or their actions caused us, we don’t think about what we are letting it do to ourselves.

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Luke 6:37

We may not be able to change the action or situation, but we can change how we react to it. Life is hard whether we want to say it out loud or not.

It’s not fair. It’s not equal. It’s not promised. Don’t count on it being easy.

I told my daughter last week I wanted her to find forgiveness. I wasn’t suggesting she do it for the person that hurt her, but rather for herself. It broke my heart to see her hurting because of something she can’t control so I reminded her that God would want her to show forgiveness.

I didn’t want to tell her how she should feel, but I wanted her to think about it.

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6:14-15

There have been many situations in my life I can’t change, ones that affected me so deeply I’ve had a hard time of letting go. I can’t help the way I feel, and I realized there are many feelings I can’t stop. But, I can forgive.

And, forgiving is letting go.

Too often, I think we struggle with forgiveness because we don’t want to let someone off the hook so easily. We don’t want them to believe what they did is OK or they can get away with it. We want them to feel our pain, show some remorse or have some sort of empathy towards us. We may want them to suffer dire consequences so they don’t do it again. We may want them to just realize how it feels.

In reality, maybe we are the ones who need to realize forgiving someone is not letting them off the hook but rather setting ourselves free from the situation. If we carrry it around and hold on too tightly it will only continue to control our feelings.

Showing forgiveness and letting go doesn’t make a wrong right. It doesn’t show trust or worthiness to anyone but yourself. It shows you have enough self respect and care for yourself and God. No where does it say to forgive and forget. Forgive and be wary but do not hate.

Sometimes people just continue to hurt you, and there’s no explanation why or it’s something much deeper. Sometimes it’s not about you at all. Sometimes it’s just who they are with no explanation.

I’m the person who analyzes everything. I always want to figure out the why, but in reality I can’t invariably know why.

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Mark 11:25

If someone hurts you, take care of yourself first, then help others with what you have left. Forgive them, but do it for yourself. You’re not admitting you were in the wrong, you’re just choosing to let it not control you anymore.

In this life the only person we are responsible for at the end of our time on Earth is ourselves. We can help others, we can guide them, mentor them and support them, but we can’t save them. The only actions you are going to answer for is your own.

Choose peace and choose salvation. Be kind and be the bigger person. Your mental health deserves it. And, at the end of the day that’s all you can do.