The Message

Do you ever feel like everywhere you turn you are being sent a sign or message?

Lately, I feel surrounded by a message. Of course my normal first reaction is to ask that million dollar question.

Why?

Why now?

Do I need to prepare for something?

I think the why in many situations helps us understand. It helps us justify. It helps us come to terms with the unknown.

And, I always find myself wondering about the unknown.

I know everyone on this planet has probably at one time or another caught themselves wondering. I guess it’s human nature, and even more true for some of us compared to others.

For me, trust is somewhat of a struggle in general. I don’t know why, but I suspect it has to do with something deeply embedded within me. I tend to be guided by my heart, and sometimes I feel that’s not a good thing because it puts it out there in a wide open space to get broken.

And, it has been.

I always want people to know where I’m coming from, speak my mind in the sense that I’m being honest even when it’s something that someone doesn’t want to hear. The best friends in my world are the ones who are going to get the raw truth from me. If I didn’t care about them I would lie and tell them what they want to hear. In my opinion, that’s not being a good friend.

In return, I want that from my close friends.

But, I will clarify one point. I don’t need that or want that from everyone. If you aren’t there for me on all the bad days, through all the tears, checking on me weekly…that’s not really your place. We all have our people. And, mine know who they are. Our people don’t have the same boundaries as others. Our tribe operates in the same circle as we do. Everyone else is just an outside observer.

Not everyone deserves our trust and not everyone needs it. Certainly, not everyone has it.

I am a work in progress, and I imagine some of you are, too.

I struggle knowing I trust a few select people, and I stumble at times when it comes to trusting the Lord. It’s a battle inside my head, and I wrestle with it. But, probably not in ways you imagine.

I know that trust is what has kept me afloat in this storm I am in. I know it is what wakes me up every morning and what keeps me strong.

I know. But, when it comes to my fate, my future, my security, I grapple with what I cannot see. The darkness is a hard place to reside, especially when there’s not sense to what the lightness will bring.

I want so desperately to have that trust and faith all the time, and I am working towards that goal.

I want that hope.

I want that security.

Making myself happier, more confident, and more aware of the good in my life will get me there. I trust that with all my heart.

Meanwhile, I will be a work in progress, reminding myself each day that I have so much in life to be grateful for, in spite of all the roadblocks. So many blessings to appreciate, and so many reasons to keeping trusting it will all work out.

Trusting in the unknown.

Fate.

Hope.

The greater good.

There may not be an answer to the why in that, but there is a how.

And, there’s a message in that.