Posted in Devotional, Self Help

Keep Moving

It’s a beautiful day outside, but I’m not feeling like the weather. I guess I should have spent more time outdoors today instead of working inside.

Why is life such a rollercoaster right now?

Everytime I get on track to having good days, I stumble and regress. I’m tired of this mindset, but I know I am the only one who can fix it. I just feel like I’m running around in circles.

Today, I read it is possible this could last until August, with people staying home and businesses closed. My heart sank, the pit of my stomach ached and in all truthfulness I wanted to cry.

August?

Really?

That’s the whole summer. That would mean no graduation, no vacations, no beach days, no July 4th celebrations, no family visits, no chance at a rebounding economy and no relief in sight. I ALMOST want to say no hope, but I won’t.

I know that’s what the devil wants me to do, but I won’t. No matter how tired I get, I will never lose hope. I’m going to keep telling myself that because it’s all I’ve got.

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit,which is the word of God.18  And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.19 Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassadorin chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.”

Ephesians 6:10-20

Keep moving forward.

Someone I knew during my childhood actually died last week after contracting the virus. Look around, I know you all know or know of someone who has been affected. It’s a devastating realization, but it’s inevitable.

And, depressing. Sad. It steals our joy. We are the only ones who can hold onto it, but yet, it is a challenging task at hand.

How do we not lose our joy?

7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me. 8 The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.

Psalm 138:7-8

Keep moving forward.

When we were at the Cancer Center last week the nurse told me perfectly healthy people are dying from this virus. She said for her that is the scariest thing about it. The fact that scares her, terrifies me.

We are living in some dark and uncertain times, and it just goes to show how vulnerable we really are. I know we are living under God’s plan, but I still can’t help but feel some sort of uneasiness.

I know there are more dark days ahead until we get through the peak of this. I know our lives are probably forever changed, but I pray the Lord will get us through and bring some light.

Keep moving forward.

I have been reminding myself all week that it’s Holy week. I have had some wonderful souls tell me to trust in God to get me through all this and that he will carry me. They have reminded me of what Jesus endured during this week and how I am stronger with the Lord by my side.

I know I am stronger, and I know we can get through this. Stay hopeful and keep moving forward. Today, I pray for strength for all of us and wish everyone a Happy Easter. xo

Posted in Cancer

Cancer and a Virus

March 12, 2020

As I sit here in the radiology waiting room I look around. Surrounded by the sick, cancer patients, and those struggling through life. The television plays in the background with uninterrupted talk of the coronavirus, cancellations, travel warnings and threats to our everyday world and economy.

Have we all not suffered enough lately? Broken dreams for some of us, private struggles, lots of tears, lots of unknowns, unusual school semesters, family illnesses and life as we always knew it…gone in an instant. It’s a lot to handle, to digest to even think about. There are no words for the pain, uneasiness, regret, and heartbreak. I want life to just be normal, but sadly none of us know what that even is anymore.

I know our family isn’t the only one grappling with reality, but can’t we just make all this stop? Can’t we just catch a break? Can the hurt just cease?

My heart aches for my children. Dealing with their dad being ill is hard enough, but now everywhere we turn things are “messed up.” I keeping asking why and then I stop and remind myself how I need to pray harder.

A feeling of doom enters my space and I stop. Just stop! I know the devil likes it too much and he’s the last one I will give in to. Anger consumes me, and I feel like screaming. I will NEVER let him get to me…EVER.

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.

1 Peter 5:8-9

I looked back at that quick journal entry I wrote last week while in the cancer center and think about how I felt that day and now what it means to me reading it today. It had a significant meaning that day, and today it has another one as well. Fighting cancer is a lot like fight this virus. We are all at the start of a path that we have no idea where it leads.

I’ve already lived one day like that before. I’m not really excited to relive it. This round is a little like a double-edged sword for us.

Uncertainty, unknowns, and fears. Not to mention those who hoard, talk of conspiracy, and the economy. I wish we had the choice to ignore the warnings, go about our business, think this is media hype, but we don’t. And, in all honesty we can’t afford for anyone else to think that way either.

I’m concerned about new diagnoses, upcoming treatments, and honestly how this all is going to play out. Not for the virus, but for the cancer. How is one going to affect the other?

We are in cancer treatment mode. Everything else is just an unwanted bonus that we don’t need or want.

If things do get bad who’s going to get turned away if the medical facilities are too full? Who’s going to get the respirators and who’s going to get the last bed for treatment?

I’ve heard elective surgeries will be postponed, but will chemo treatments get administered or put off? Will scans get done in a timely manner? If you can comprehend how nodules double in size in two months, you probably realize someone may not have time on their side. This virus has the potential to provide roadblocks for the seriously ill.

It’s a lot to think about, and a lot to try NOT to worry about. But, the fact of the matter is…I do.