Month: January 2020

Posted in Journal, Self Help

Hope

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

Ever wonder why some days are just easier than others? Maybe it’s how we start our day or maybe it’s our prayers.

I was skimming my journal today and thought how my life goes through the same cycle over and over. We get a diagnosis or test results, then there’s an acceptance period, then there’s a plan of attack or treatment, scans, results, and then we start again. The cycle repeats itself over and over

October 3, 2019

Some days I feel as if I’m suffocating, and I can’t get air. Anxiety sets in, and I am swept away in my fears. It’s the worst feeling in the world, and all I can do is cry.

This morning I prayed to God for strength and healing and to forgive me for my sins and selfishness. Some days I just want it to stop. Some days I don’t want to be here, to do this. Some days I don’t want to get off the couch.

I know I should give my worry and pain to God and trust him, but that alone is another battle I fight. It’s all so overwhelming, and sometimes I just want it to go away…to wake up from this bad dream.

Does my husband really have cancer?

Is my children’s father really going to die?

I look at those test results and try to comprehend all those medical terms and digest what’s in front of me. I know he’s not the only patient in the world, but he’s my patient, and I want to know what’s looking us in the face. I need answers, I need assurance, I need something so just tell me what it is and forget the sugar coating.

Worry is something so hard to give up, yet it steals so much from you. It takes away from your peace, it eats at your brain and soul and it makes you go places in your mind you never want to be.

Yet, it’s like a drug, and you just can’t give it up some days.

Pray for strength, pray for peace…then put one foot in front of the other and keep looking ahead. I know God will protect me, my children…it’s all the hope I have.

And, what do we have if we don’t have hope?

It’s hard to believe that was only four months ago. I think back and can hardly remember the day. It was one of many of the same…like my life was on repeat.

I started this blog for myself and for others. I went outside my comfort zone and did it in hopes of helping other people who are struggling. It was something I felt I was chosen to do, a calling of a sort, to take something bad and do good with it.

At lunch today, my friend said she sees a change in me since starting the blog. I told her I feel better when I write. She pointed out how I sometimes conceal my feelings and keep them inside, and she believes my blog is a way for me to express them, let them out.

I agree with her.

And, she has been a steadfast supportive friend to me since I have known her.

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Philippians 2:4 (ESV)

So often we hide behind a mask of social media in a make believe world. Everyone is happy on Facebook. Right?

People show off the perfect happy façade of their life, and somewhere behind that smile are tears and heartbreak, or pain and suffering, or loneliness and depression.

I feel like I could easily be putting myself in a vulnerable situation, but this is my story, my thoughts, my therapy. This is about helping myself and helping others. And in the end, the truth will set us free…


Posted in Self Help

Acceptance

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

I have felt numb most of the weekend. Lost in my own thoughts. Why does God think I can handle so much at one time?

It’s one in the morning, and another late night. Circumstances are weighing on my mind as I go over and over in my head the events over the last few weeks. This month has gone on and on like a bad dream. I rush time along in my head one minute, while begging it to stop the next. 

Life always seems to be a Catch 22.

ALWAYS!

Holding my shoulders, tensed up in pain, I am unable to relax and find sleep. So many emotions going through my mind tonight. So much empathy for all my children, who are hurting and in pain over the events that have unfolded lately. 

There’s nothing I can do to ease the suffering. My mind surveys the situation and wonders how I could have prevented incidents leading up to this moment. I am lost and out of answers. 

Too tired to think. 

More often than not I have been holding back tears wondering why life has to be so cruel. Why do my children deserve so much misfortune when they have just been trying to cope?

Sadly enough, life isn’t fair. I would say life is more unfair than not. But, before I try to digest those thoughts I know the point is mute. 

Life isn’t fair!!

How many times do I have to have this realization. Life will NEVER be fair. Accept that and save yourself the disappointment down the road.

This pity party tonight is getting old. Mental note to self:  Make this the last pity party.

 Seriously, where does it get me? Over and over in my head I can sink myself to an all time low, and all I’m doing is making myself pathetic and miserable. 

And, for what reason?

I fell asleep after 2:30 this morning with my computer on my lap, my blog post unfinished. I was a little upset I had fell asleep before recording all my thoughts, but then realized some things happen for a reason.

I reminded myself of the words of Priscilla Shirer. So, for all my Bible study sisters….I’m putting on my armor and praying about it. I didn’t finish this post last night because it wasn’t the right time. 

God hadn’t spoken to me about the situation. Or, maybe I just hadn’t listened.

I had nothing positive to say. And, I hadn’t come to terms with any of it or found a resolution. 

What kind of inspiration would I be for all of you? A pathetic one for sure, or just not a inspiration at all?

Perseverance is one thing I have. My friend said so, and she is right.

I AM strong! So strong…mental note that!

Today, I had a conversation with my husband. He was upset about a situation that occurred last week, and for once, I wasn’t the one in tears. I was the sensible voice of reasoning. I really shocked myself. 

But, this morning I woke up with a sense of peace, a calmness, a feeling of vindication.

Sometimes we have to realize things happen in our life for a reason. A lesson? A blessing? Yes, it’s one of those explanations, or maybe all of them. Sometimes bad has to happen for there to be good. Sometimes people have to fall in order to get up. And, sometimes sacrifices have to be made, or there has to be a tradeoff.

Think about that in a spiritual sense. Sometimes we just have to trust in the Lord that everything is going to turn out for the best. 

Worrying, stressing, losing sleep is a waste of time. Not to say I’m going to always remember that statement, but it is the truth. We just sometimes forget that.

What is done is done so move forward, and don’t allow history to repeat itself. 

I feel like sometimes people have to get sick, sometimes people have to fail, and sometimes people even have to die. Sometimes extreme measures have to happen in order for the stars to align, to save someone, for the good or the silver lining to reveal itself. 

I know this is a deep topic, but somehow today I found some peace. I’m not necessarily happy with all my realizations, but I have found a sense of peacefulness and acceptance in what is happening.

Maybe it’s short lived, maybe tomorrow I’ll have a setback. I’m sure there’s more bad days ahead, but the alternative could be worse. 

What if there wasn’t another day at all?

There are events and situations in my life I can’t do anything about. And, there are some I can. 

When my children falter, when they fall, they will be looking to me for guidance. If I can’t support myself, how in the world can I support them?

Like I told my daughter today…I am strong. Stronger than you think. I will pray for you and hold you up when you can’t do it yourself. That’s what moms do.

So, as I always say…if you can help someone, then help them.

Posted in Self Help

555 Days

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

Something like 555 days.

You would think if you had lived in the midst of heartbreak for that long you could catch a break. What’s the saying? When it rains it pours.

As my daughter pointed out tonight, things really do happen all at once. Yes, they do Shuggy! Yes, they do.

It’s 1:35 am this morning; I have to be on the road before 7:30 am, and I’m lying in bed wide awake.

Thinking.

Worrying.

And honestly, I’ve been fighting off the devil.

At Bible study two weeks ago someone said the Devil is going to be coming at you hard after tonight, coming after your family. She wasn’t lying.

I need enough of God’s armor belonging to an army for this battle. I prayed tonight so hard and when I closed my eyes I believe I saw the demons circling in the darkness.

The Armor of God

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit,which is the word of God.18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

Ephesians 6:10-18 NIV

I’ve cried plenty over the last few days. For my husband, and even more so for my children. It has been a rough week for them. Rougher than anyone can imagine. Don’t ever underestimate the powers around us. When you turn your back and take a breath is the exact time someone or something is going to hit you hard from behind. Don’t let your guard down.

Today, I needed to get it out. Then, I just stopped. Suddenly, I felt as if I had been slapped in the face, taking my breath away. It hit me like what I imagine it would be like if God had just smacked me. And, maybe He did.

I was angry. I was mad. And I thought I’m under attack.

I closed my eyes to pray again. It was the most bizarre thing, but I couldn’t remember any scripture. I fumbled and squirmed, my mind was confused and struggling for what I was trying to remember. So, I just prayed for God to come to me, to help me.

We struggle. Our children struggle. Don’t let yourself be overtaken by it.

Fight!

You may feel at rock bottom, but ask God for strength. Ask, and He will listen.

My children are hurting right now. I will not give up, and I will pray for God to watch over them when they are not able to do it for themselves.

It’s what momma bears do.

If you can help someone, help them. And, you better believe my children are at the top of my list.

(Sic ’em!)

Posted in Journal, Self Help

Tired

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

It’s 4 am above the city, nine floors high in this tiny room, with only the tick tock from the clock on the wall, and I wait. I reference the sound to that of a time bomb, but is it merely time ticking away?

For me, maybe one in the same.

I can’t explain how I feel tonight, but I do feel time slipping away. Why does time always keep coming at me?

Time.

Is it even real?

There are always excuses for not enough time, out of time, or never having enough time. Seriously, no one has enough time because time flies.

Take the time!

I can’t say it enough

Take the time, because we can never stop it.

I have fought back tears much of the night, pushed back fears, and stopped my mind from going into dark places.

Now, there’s just an ache in the pit of my stomach. Today, unknowingly, I got on a new roller coaster, and it doesn’t stop. I’ll adjust…it’ll just take some time.

That was only two nights ago, but I’m so drained and exhausted it seems like it has to be 48 days rather than 48 hours. There are moments I feel as if I’m getting a glimpse of the road ahead. Is this God preparing me for what’s to come?

Tonight, I told my daughter in these troubled times to take care of herself. Do what makes her happy. Live a life that is comforting to her. Not to others. People don’t have a right to judge, or comment, or even have a voiced opinion. Not in this. They just don’t.

Maybe that seems selfish to some, but at the moment we are really the only ones who understand each other. It’s just the way it is.

Seeing and waiting is a hard, hard task. And, we are tired, mentally and physically.

We have some fabulous friends, some wonderful family. We love you all. Appreciate you dearly. Pray for us, that’s what you can do.

Posted in Journal, Self Help

Strength

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

Ever felt helpless to the point you almost lose hope?

Today, I actually almost feel that way. But, not in the way you’re probably thinking.

Have you ever felt so helpless when it comes to your children that you’re crying inside? Yep, me too. It’s a common trait for a mother, right?

The worst feeling in the world for a mother is hoping so desperately you’re able to fix something, and at the same time knowing you can’t.

Someone once told me you can’t lose hope because if you don’t have hope you don’t have anything. I look back to that particular time and almost make myself laugh because hard times and struggles from the past are nothing compared to what I’m going through now. And, I thought that was rock bottom?

I don’t know if I should drop to my knees and laugh or cry. Honestly, someone else always has it harder. Life isn’t fair, and I’m pretty sure no one ever told us it would be. If they did, they lied. 

Last week during Bible study everyone asked about my blog so I was explaining what it’s about and why I’m doing it. A few signs and a serious discernment is all it took for me to push forward.

I went through a period of being mad at God for so many things. I prayed, I read devotions, and I asked for strength daily. I also cried a lot and asked, Why? I was trying so hard to understand why I was being punished, why my children were suffering, and why all this is happening. 

29 He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
31 But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:29-31

It is hard to stand in the middle of tragedy and heartbreak and admit that bad things have to happen. Ironically, I do believe sometimes they have to happen in order for there to be good in our lives. It doesn’t always make sense, but for me I just had this realization one day that this is all happening for a reason. I am suppose to take it and do good with it.

Often, I have to stop and remind myself life is not always wonderful, and we were never promised it would be. We were never promised exceptional people wouldn’t suffer.

Stop thinking life always owes us happiness. Stop thinking we deserve anything more than what we get.

When we look at it from the Lord’s perspective we slowly see that we don’t have a right to be mad about anything that’s taken away from us. Some have given up and sacrificed way more than we can imagine. What makes us feel we have a right to be angry?

At some point maybe we all have to make our own sacrifices even if they are not our choosing. We were never promised eternal life on Earth. The best we can do is have hope and accept the fate we have been dealt.

We can pray for mercy, pray for healing, pray for miracles, but ultimately we should pray for peace. As adults it is sometimes hard for us to accept, and essentially even harder for our children. It is human instinct for us to want to protect them, but better yet we need to help them understand what we know in our hearts.

Finding peace will not make us forget the pain, or even suffer less, but it can help us heal and accept God’s will. With our children we can’t give up on hope, and at times we have to carry them even when they don’t ask us.

As a mother I have more strength than my children will ever realize, times four. They have seen me in my weak moments, but they are yet to see me in my strongest.

God gives me strength every day because I ask him for it, and if they are too weak I will ask him for strength for them, too.

And, we all know…if you can help someone, then help them. xo

Posted in Journal, Self Help

Take the Time

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

Do you ever look back on the past and think something seems like it was forever ago? Sometimes that’s how I feel about the last two years. I think it’s because I’ve felt like I’m living double time. Living in actual time while also living for what’s to come. And, I will tell you…it wears you out quickly. It can be like treading water in a way. You’re worn out, but you haven’t gone anywhere.

So much has happened in two short years, and at times I feel like I’m still in the same place trying to fight the same battles. And, in a way I am. They say time heals all wounds, but does it really? Time has gone by, but has it really healed anything?

Day 62

Sept. 26, 2018

It has been 62 days since I found out my husband has cancer. And, it is Day 16 of radiation.

It seems like we have been going to the Cancer Center for months, maybe even years. The days and weeks are running together. I am reliving day after day just like the one before it.

Will it ever end?

Someone asked me today when will it be over? It will NEVER be over! Ever! I will live with this for the rest of my life in some capacity. Maybe not like today, but in some way that has been transformed.

My emotions are on the roller coaster today. I’ve cried a few times, looked at him from afar and stopped myself from wondering if he is going to die. I can’t help it! It’s a scary thought I push to the back of my mind, but I’m scared of the unknown.

Why is this happening to us? Am I being punished?

I miss my boys! I miss my girls! I miss my life!

I feel detached from my world. I cannot believe we are going through a bout with cancer and the aftermath of a natural disaster. Hurricane Flo has turned our upside down world upside down yet again. And again, I want to know why?

In the cancer center today it was hard not to be sad for all the people going through this ugly ordeal. Cancer is some sort of evil. So many people are suffering, dying, and it makes me heartbroken.

Today, I chatted with a man who has pancreatic cancer and is taking some treatments. He chose his path, one of three scenarios his doctor presented to him, which gave him an estimated five months of a quality life. His five months are staring him in the face.

He doesn’t look like he has cancer, but what does cancer look like anyway? It doesn’t play fair. And, sadly there’s no way to make it adhere to any rules. It’s in control, and we have to take the hand we are dealt.

I have read that journal entry over and over. That day was a repeat and just like every other day of those 25 days. Maybe time didn’t make a difference, but that doesn’t mean it won’t make a difference in the end. 

I think back to the man, who was battling pancreatic cancer, and how much I looked forward to talking to him every morning. He was fighting and facing death, but he brightened my morning every day. The stories he told of his business, or his daughter, or his granddaughter. He was always positive, always at peace with his situation, but I never told him what our conversations meant to me or how he somehow made me feel better.

In the following months after radiation, a lady at the cancer center would tell me how that man was always asking how we were doing. I hoped I had somehow made his mornings brighter.

After a few months she stopped mentioning him, and I knew he was probably gone. For him, there wasn’t more time or more stories, but for me there were the memories of how he had brightened some of my darker days.

We all know our time can end tomorrow, but do we really live life like that? I’m not talking about living our lives like WE are dying; I’m talking about our loved ones, our friends, or the people who impact our lives. If you lost a close friend or family member tomorrow would you have any regrets?

I continuously tell my kids, don’t leave each other mad. Don’t set yourself up for regrets. They may get lectured for something they did or didn’t do, but I always make sure they know one thing in the end, and that is I love them. Don’t wait to say it, don’t leave mad, don’t put some things off. 

Take time to thank the Lord for the simple things you have in life and for those people who have impacted it. When you lose those who mean the most to you, you’re the one left with the memories. Make sure to take the time to make them.

Posted in Self Help

From the Beginning

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

I am a pretty private person with most people, except for those I am very close to. I open up and share the inside of my soul with those who I whole heartedly trust. I will do anything for anyone I am very close to and love….and you all know who you are because I probably tell you every time I talk to you that I love you.

I have distanced myself from drama, and those I feel don’t have my best interest at heart. I have learned who my true friends are and tightened my circle. I have learned some people are nosy and some people care. Some people are in your life for you and some solely for themselves. Some for a mixture of both.

Some of you will read this blog time after time simply to be nosy, simply for yourself. For those of you, I want you to know right now that’s on you. If my heartache makes you feel better about yourself then you’re welcome. You will take comfort in knowing I cry a lot.

The whole purpose of me starting this blog was to share my experience of my husband having cancer with others dealing with similar circumstances. Ever since I got over the initial shock, I have had a tug at my heart. I have had a voice inside my head. I have had a feeling of unsettledness in my mind. I cannot explain it, nor do I understand why, but I am here in this situation for a reason.

I don’t share my feelings in the open. I don’t allow myself to feel vulnerable on purpose. I know a higher power has called me to fight, be an advocate, make a difference and help those I can help.

Those fighting with themselves on a daily basis trying to deal with where life is taking them. Those struggling with their mental self, their sick family member, death or heartbreak. This is for you. This is me using my life to reach out and help you.

I am going to be an advocate for Sarcoma cancer. I am going to do it. And, yesterday when my daughter said to me on the way to the airport that she wanted me to start something, and she wanted to work and be a part of it I knew…

So, this is vulnerable me in the open, inside my soul.

Seventy weeks and four days ago, on a sleepless night before radiation, this is where I began…

September 4, 2018

Tomorrow starts the first real day of fighting on this journey. Up until now, I’ve felt like all I’ve been doing is facing a reality I was never quite sure could be real. It was hard to hear myself say the words. Hard to accept it was really true and hard to deal with the million emotions within me.

I’ve thought about it just about every second of the day since July 27. Today is Day 39. Wonder how many more seconds I will think about this? Wonder if I’ll ever be able to forget or just put it in the back of my mind? My gut says never.

I believe this will be looking me straight in the face for awhile. Even if it goes away I will live with the fear of it, whether it’s lurking in the darkness waiting to rear it’s ugly face, bearing down, or no where in sight.

It’s a part of my life now and it will always have some sort of hold on us all. It has changed me from the person I used to be and will never find my way back to. No one will understand quite what it’s like unless they have lived it. It’s unimaginable! And what’s more surreal is that it IS real.

How can I have so many emotions at one time? The feelings are not something I can describe other than they are what I never want to talk about unless I WANT to talk about them. It makes me physically tired talking about it because it’s mentally exhausting to a degree I never imagined existed. “It takes some getting used to” is an understatement. I will never get used to it; it’s just something that is always there.

I cannot escape it, no matter how hard I try. It plays with my emotions, makes me cry with a simple thought, and makes my whole world flash in front of me. I fall asleep thinking about it and wake up thinking about it.

I cannot explain to people why I’m so unpredictable, why I don’t want to talk or share what is going on, or be open about it in general. That takes too much thought and energy. I just know I have to get through it, and that requires using any survival mechanism I can possibly hold on to. And, most of the time I feel like I’m holding on by a thread!

I’m confused, I’m in denial, I want to cry, I want to protect my children, I want to pretend, I want to forget, I want to talk, I want to be alone, I don’t want this to be happening, I don’t want to talk, I want to scream, I want this to go away, I’m lonely, I’m sad, I’m worried, I’m shocked, this is surreal, I’m anxious, I’m sleep deprived, I’m preoccupied, I can’t think, I can’t focus, I can’t get through this, I have to be strong for my children….and this roller coaster of emotions…it goes on and on and on!

And, here now I find myself like I have most of the last 38 nights….lying in bed thinking about a million thoughts and asking God and myself, Why? Why does my husband have cancer?

Last night, I had a two hour drive home from the airport. I cried a lot. For more reasons than any of you will ever know. But, I prayed, I listened to last week’s church service, and I realized I am here because I am suppose to be.

I am here for a reason.

“Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” –

Galatians 6:2

I know why.

And, I am strong.

Posted in Uncategorized

A Silver Lining

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

A few weeks ago I was surfing Netflix and came across Family Man. I watched the trailer and got distracted when I realized Gerard Butler was starring. I hadn’t seen him in anything lately so I added it to my watch list and moved on.

A week or so later hubby and I were planning to watch a movie so I told him to choose one from my list. I didn’t think much about it, and I definitely couldn’t remember anything about the trailer I had unknowingly tuned out.

I don’t know if this really makes sense, but since hubby has had cancer I find myself doing things and later vaguely remembering doing them. At times, I am so consumed with my thoughts I walk around in an automated fashion, going through the motions and not being certain I have completed any tasks. It’s a strange feeling when I think about it, but I believe it’s called “having too much on your mind.”

I have never been a person who needed to write everything down to remember it, so why would I start now?

The movie started, and I was thinking we were going to watch a sweet, sentimental family movie. The kind where the husband works too much, puts his job before everything, and will have a coming to Jesus realization in the end, and choose family over everything. What I got was a sensation making me feel like someone had punched me in the throat! I immediately wanted to stop the movie and turn on something else. I don’t watch movies like this. I don’t have it in me. 

Cuddled up with my blanket on one corner of the couch I sat and watched a mother seated on her cancer stricken son’s bed, sobbing. A million emotions running through my mind, tears welling in my eyes, thinking I knew exactly how she felt. 

I was pushing back the tears, trying to be strong, trying not to cry. I knew exactly what she was going through. She felt scared, alone, and her world out of control. She was wondering what the future holds, how it feels thinking you are going to lose a loved one, and how scary the unknown is. I knew exactly how she felt. 

As I sat there and watched her losing hope, I realized something. I had no idea how she felt at all. I didn’t feel that hurt she felt. That pain she felt. I didn’t feel that at all. My child isn’t in that hospital bed. I don’t have a cancer stricken child.

Mothers aren’t suppose to watch their children be that sick, or potentially near death. Mothers aren’t suppose to watch their children die. How do you deal with that? I know what helplessness feels like, but I don’t know that. How do you deal with being helpless while looking at your child’s life flash in front of you? A child you gave birth to, who is yours and who you can no longer protect.

I can have everything taken away from me. EVERYTHING! But, I am so lucky to have had the honor to give birth to four children, raise them and be their mother. 

I cannot imagine my life without each of them. Sometimes it’s crazy when the girls are back from college and they are all home. At times it’s blissfully chaotic and other times it’s a struggle. It can be overwhelming and mentally hard, especially with their dad being sick, because I worry about how they are really doing.

Regardless of all of that, I am so blessed. I can think of all the negatives in my life, but the positives are what really matter. They have me, and I have them. There’s a silver lining in there, and I owe that to their dad and the Lord. And, I will be thankful for it for the rest of my life. xo

Posted in Uncategorized

Stand by your…friends

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

I know everyone is fighting some sort of battle in their life, big or small. And, no matter what your battles are, whether they involve an illness, relationships, an addiction, an accident, or simply something in your head, they most likely are having an effect on you. 

I had a conversation with a friend not long ago who was struggling with family problems. One day, she went on for a few minutes venting her frustrations and confiding in me her feelings, and then all of a sudden she stopped. She said, “I’m so sorry to go on and on about my family. I know it’s nothing compared to what you are going through.”

It didn’t take me but a second to think about her comment.

In the grand scheme of things she was absolutely correct. My husband having a rare cancer and facing mortality is a much bigger deal than her having a family squabble. That’s my perspective. However, in her world it looks like a mountain in front of her without a solution for getting to the other side, and it has been a battle.

Just because my problems may be more critical than someone else’s doesn’t mean they deserve to feel less than me. In my life right now, cancer, and the mounding stress that comes with it, is the biggest obstacle; in hers it just happens to be something else. It’s not that she has less stress, less importance, less urgency, or less anything….it simply means we all have a right to feel how we feel.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT trying to get caught up in a daily gripe session about the kids not putting their shoes away or cleaning up their dishes, or any of that petty stuff. Sometimes we need to vent about those moments, but get it out, move on and keep it positive. Many times we lose sight of the blessings we have right in front of us.

As a friend, I have an obligation to do my part in a “give and take” relationship. It’s a two way street. If I want to have a good friend, yes, I need to be a good friend in return. And, sometimes that means putting feelings and problems to the side for a moment in order to help someone else deal with theirs. Otherwise, friendships can become unhealthy for potentially both parties. 

It’s OK to have one sided relationships periodically, but it’s not OK to camp out and live there. We are not obligated to assume others’ worries all the time, nor should we expect others to take on ours. We as women, and even human beings, owe it to one another to be supportive; however, we are not expected to carry their weight all the time. We all bring admirable characteristics to our friendships, or at least we should. After all, a friendship involves mutual (involving two parties) trust and support.

I think the biggest misconception people have when someone is going through a life crisis is to assume they can’t be bothered by anything or anyone. Just because we are going through something major in life doesn’t mean we don’t want to lend an ear to a friend in need. I’m not referring to making your problems an encumbrance for someone else, but simply sharing what’s going on in your life or seeking advice.

For me, helping a friend solve a problem, being concerned about others and caring about what’s going on in their corner of the world is not only my duty, but also, a welcome distraction. Stand by your friends, pick them up when they fall, have their back. If you can help someone, then help them!

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2020

Posted on by gracelovebiscuits

Wow! It’s a new decade! The 20th year of the 21st century. The year of the metal rat in the Chinese zodiac. A leap year! With all this newness, surrounded by opportunities for a new beginning, I find myself having mixed emotions.

I think it’s human nature to want to be optimistic about a new year, but change is hard. The unknown is even harder. We all hope the turn of the calendar, the next decade, the newness of a day, will bring something, anything, that is considered new or better. Isn’t that how we perceive things? New is better? Think about that, and let it sink in for a minute. 

We have this misconception in life that new is somehow better. But, when we look more closely there’s nothing farther from the truth. New is not always better! 

We sometimes treat old friends and old relationships like an old car. They don’t work as well without a little more tender loving care and maintenance. They take more effort to keep working. So why are we so quick to give up on them? 

In our busy life, in a busy world, sometimes we just need to stop and think about what’s gotten old in our life, and remember what’s worth keeping. Not everything shiny and new should take our attention away from the old and what’s actually right there in front of us. 

Hug your friends today, tell your people you love them, appreciate what you have had with your partner. It doesn’t mean it’s as good as it once was and maybe never will be again, but it has been a part of your life and made you into who you are today. Maybe not new, but hopefully better. Never take any of it for granted. Respect that and act accordingly. Sometimes change isn’t better or worse, it’s just different. It’s growth! It’s life! 

Happy New Year everyone! I’m about to embark on a new journey…I invite you all to come along! xo