It’s 2:30 in the morning. That’s my mind’s favorite time to be awake. What’s yours?
I don’t know how others are feeling, but I have an idea many of you are feeling a little uneasy, stressed, uncertain about how the coming weeks are going to play out. Yeah, I feel you.
I have so much on my mind lately I don’t know where to start. I frantically fumble through my thoughts sometimes in the evening, wondering if I have forgotten anything I was supposed to do today. Pay a bill, make an appointment, pick up a prescription. Not to mention the something even more important than all of that.
Seriously, I stop and hold my breath some nights as I file through my mind, wondering what I missed. It’s exhausting some days. And, on those days I walk around until I catch myself, with my shoulders tensed up and my neck in knots.
On these days particularly, I hear my doctor’s voice in my head reminding me I’m ruining my health. Lately, I’ve realized I’m probably ruining someone else’s health because they are worrying about me.
I hate that. I really will be fine.
As if life wasn’t overpowering me already. Why does all hell have to break loose at once?
I keep telling myself I’m going to do meditation tomorrow so I can make myself relax. Tomorrow, I am promising myself. Tomorrow, I will follow through.
It’s hard to stay positive and not let all the negative consume us. And sadly, I’m finding it extremely difficult to do in the midst of a pandemic. It’s all everyone talks about or posts about, and I need a break from it. I am already consumed with the cancer fight. That’s a full plate.
I decided this past weekend I need to step away from social media except for dealing with my blog. It’s the best thing to do for my sanity and well being. This virus talk is making me a little unsettled, especially the rants.
Stop making it political people. No one in our lifetime has another politician to compare to how they did in this situation because we haven’t lived through a pandemic. Sorry, but there’s not an instruction book on it. So STOP making it political, it’s not!
Instead, PRAY and count your blessings. Life could be so much worse.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life, and the life was the light of men. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
I have always been a christian, just at times a better one than others. We have all faltered in our life in one area or another, right?
I will spare everyone my lifetime of church and worshiping; however, in my younger days church and God was a big part of my life. Then later, there was a time I was very angry at God. I was angy at several things, several people. I guess for awhile I didn’t realize how angry.
In the last several years, my life, like many moms, has transformed into something I hadn’t prepared for early on. My children were growing up. I had wanted to go back to work, fulfill my ambitions, and put some accomplishments under my own belt. I found myself wondering why I hadn’t started already. Why I didn’t go back to school and get another degree? I had talked about several avenues, but I hadn’t started down any of the paths.
But, maybe I didn’t because it wasn’t the time. I know that now.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
After my husband was diagnosed with cancer I struggled for awhile. The anger, the uncertainty, my children, our family, my plans. It was all too much to digest and think about.
For a long time it took great effort to get off the couch everyday. My world was just a very unfamiliar, dark and lonely place I didn’t want to be in. I worried about everything, stressed over anything, and was so unsettled about all things. It was overwhelming, affected my health in a number of ways, and made me a mental mess. My heart was broken, suffering for my children, and honestly it still is.
But, if I have realized anything about this pain stricken journey it is one thing…you can never lose hope. When tragedy strikes you have to have something to hold on to.
I have faced an abundance of fear, most often without a say, but I have learned over time to do it with grace, love and a great deal of prayer. With the help of a few supportive people who have become so close to my heart, I have learned I cannot get through these obstacles without God.
Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”
Trust those who love and support you and trust in the Lord. It is all we can hope for, and without it we will live with a fear that will adversely affect how we live our lives.
I have heard so often, in many situations lately, that we cannot have both fear and faith. It is the truth! We must choose one. Either we trust in the Lord and choose faith, or we worry and have fear in everything.
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
When I stopped being mad at God I found my faith again. My mind was less confused, my heart was less burdened, and my overall health started to improve. I stopped worrying so much, I didn’t stress as often, and I found myself at peace more often than not.
Fear brings worry and stress and pain and uncertainty in everything happening in our lives. It steals our joy, robs us of our peace and makes us question everything by living in an apprehensive state. Fear is a denial that God will take care of everything.
Faith is a gift from God. If we trust in Him, study His word and use it in prayer, our faith will grow. It’s not an achievement or something we find in ourselves, but rather something we are gifted when we put our belief in the Lord.
The only thing we should fear in our life is God Himself.
Whoever fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge.
Just as we grow in trust in our relationships with our fellow man, we must also grow in our relationship with God. The more we pray, the more we use scripture in our prayers, and the more we trust the closer we become to Him. Fear comes from the trials we face, but trusting in God during these times makes our faith stronger and in turn makes us closer to Him.
The devil may chase you, he may knock on your door, he may challenge you, but use God’s word and trust in Him to help you defeat the evil that surrounds you.
I pray for strength every day. I read my devotions and I read scripture. Throughout my journey I know God has saved me. My life is better because I have trusted in Him, and I have handed over the reins to the problems I cannot control. It’s a daily chore for me, and I sometimes waver.
Often, I lose sight of my surroundings and begin a fall into a downward sprial I struggle to get out of. It happens more often than I want to admit. I lose my bearings on what my heart has taught me, and I question my own thinking. It is a battle within my own self. Paranoia sets in, I fight for my self worth, and I question who to trust.
Lately, I have been struggling and feeling like every step I take presents another stumbling block. It’s overwhelming, and I feel the darkness surrounding me. These are the times I normally pray for strength, but lately I grapple with getting in the right mindset.
But, it is an unnecessary wrestling within my mind, a rhetorical question.
Fear or Faith?
I read a devotion today that spoke to me in such a way that I knew the Lord was addressing me. With so many uncertainties in my life at the moment, I relish the moments this happens to me and I especially take note of the circumstances.
I felt God’s light shining on me. The Prince of Peace was speaking to me, and I know it is a serious moment when I have these strong feelings. It is a time I have reason to worry, but yet a time I know I need to hand it over, trust and let Him lead me.
For all of those who struggle with your beliefs, waver in your thoughts about God and the spiritual world I would like you think about this. My life consists of living in the midst of storm after storm. The darkest storms that are so strong I cannot survive them alone.
I am not speaking of “alone” as in a physical state, but rather a lonely darkness that I live with while surrounded by many people. Do not confuse it with something you necessarily know. It is a loneliness you can never imagine unless you have actually lived in it.
For me, there is only one path to take in order to survive and that is not with fear. Fear would consume me just as a tornado consumes everything in its path. Hope and prayer and faith are the only solutions to help me escape.
I will always choose faith. I may fall and I may falter, but the light of God will shine down on me and guide me into the way of peace. xo
Because of and through the heart of tender and mercy and loving-kindness of our God, a Light from on high will dawn upon us and visit [us] to shine upon and give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to direct and guide our feet in a straight line into the way of peace.”