We got through the first of another round of treatments this past September and ended up in the hospital a week later. Every step of the way it seems we encounter another unexpected hurdle.
A year prior to that we were just starting on this path with treatment, surgery, infections and a multitude of complications.
All those emotions and feelings are much the same today, but somehow I’ve become smarter, stronger and found more faith in God, trusting I will get through this. It won’t be easy, and I don’t look forward to this journey in many ways, but I know God has put me here for a reason.
I must be strong for my children. I have to be. There’s no choice in this.
I can cry, and break down and scream and say this isn’t fair as many times as I want, BUT I have to be there for my children. I must!! It is my place in this life to be their protector, to be their advocate, to be their strength. I can do it, and God will be there to see me through it.
I will tighten my circle, straighten my crown and take each day as it comes. My Blessings come in all sorts of disguises. October 2019
I have read this journal post over and over and over the last few weeks to remind myself of how far I have come. It has been a very distressing road, and recently I haven’t felt so strong. Some days I feel myself slipping back into that nightmarish hole I used to live in. There in the dark, I was partnered with loneliness and defeat, struggling to find the positivity in my life, while wrestling with every negative notion.
My children are my motive, along with trusting in God to give me strength and show me the light, enabling me to find the good. Some days I forget my mission is to help others find inner peace, while helping myself.
Other days remind me my children and I have weaknesses, and I realize how vulnerable they make us. Invasions through those cracks cripple us if we allow them in, but we have the power within us if we simply have faith.
However, finding inner peace is an easier task than retaining it. A constant struggle inside your mind, it takes patience and trust and understanding at all times. Negative forces are persistently challenging your thoughts, your confidence, your beliefs and your trust.
Don’t let them win!
Be aware of the flaws and use your armor and your mind to overpower the enemy. Sometimes we ourselves are our worst adversary, and in other circumstances we are warding off Satan. Or perhaps, he plays a role in both scenarios. Deter him with prayer and God’s word.
When I settle down and calm my mind I know where to find my source for inner strength. An anxious mind cannot focus on peacefulness, just as a restless heart cannot find trust. Close your eyes, relax, breathe and go to a happy place. Preoccupy your mind with a simple task. Do something you love.
A simple moment of shifting your mind, finding some sort of calm, distracting your thoughts can create an inner peace thought to be out of reach. Practice daily.
I beleive we all have a hidden fortitude within us. Use it in your favor. One day at a time.
As some wise soul once said, picture a huge elephant in front of you, draw a picture of it and write…One bite at a time.
We’ve got this!